No More Boars

This week, I'd like to introduce a series of postings called
REAL MONSTERS.

The premise of these posts will be to propose the retirement of certain creatures that litter the multi-player video game genre, and then I'll ask what sort of bad-ass beasts could potentially replace them in future games.

~ An example ~

RETIRE:
Boars.

I'm not sure whose idea it was to put wild pigs in every MMO, but that guy needs to have his balls gnawed off by a pack of ravenous cockhogs.

You think I'm being too harsh?

Count the number of boars listed here. I counted 36. That's just Warhammer Online. I think there's 36000 types of boars in WoW, EQ, RoM, AoC, LOTRO, hell even the Korean games have boars, they're just cute Pokemon-looking cartoon boars with neon green tiger stripes and glowing orange dildo tusks.



Boars are boring, they are sad squealing balls of pork.
GTFO BOARS.




REPLACEMENT:
Literally anything else that seems fantastical.
Use rocks that get pissed off and sneeze acid on you or something, at least that's different.

Seriously. Anything else.

Cucumbers that skeet on you.



Plants that bust loads in your general direction.



ANYTHING.



What sort of monsters do you think could replace boars in future MMOs?