unda da sea

Hey, Guild Wars 2.

How about a little less 20 minute demos of killing fish in a pond and a little more video of fighting players in some sort of manner that would make me excited to play you.

I'm a little concerned about where your priorities seem to lie.

Am I alone on this? I'm just underwhelmed hearing about repetitious dungeon pugging and fighting aquatic flotsam.

Man. I'd so much rather be hearing about a MMO that laughs at and disdains the idea of dungeon grinding and shit like killing river crabs.

But, yeah, I guess that's cool, your death mage has a magic air mask and a fishing spear attack. However... I'd prefer a deep sea diver's helmet and an electic eel whip.


No wait, I want to shape-shift into the Little Mermaid and fight with starfish throwing stars.


No wait, I want to summon a giant seahorse combat mount and fight with a squid mace that farts ink in your eyes.


No wait, I don't want to fight underwater.



*Update:
'nother link:  screenies and blahblah @ MMORPG.com
I like the idea of quests described as exploring + interacting with the world around you and not just bouncing from quest point (!) to quest point (?) and trying not to read any of the quest text tediously explaining why I have to kill rats.

But, really, is a game with green stars floating above bushes more fun than a game with a yellow punctuation marks floating above NPC's heads? I don't know, I guess I have to hope so.

Either way, people don't play these games because the quests are great fun, it's all about the big payoffs - spending 15 hours a day in dungeons, winning epic shoulderpads, picking up garbage off the road so you can ride a big albino turtle. Right?

Random Things I Love about SWTOR Already

• Fat Body Models.

That's right, you can finally have an avatar that has as much jelly in his buttocks as you do.

Amazing feature, I'm very excited to see bloated Sith Marauders soar through the air using Force Leaps. Hopefully it's as realistic as possible. Like, I want to see Fat Jedi do a string of combat animations and then have to bend over and frantically wheeze to catch his breath. Or if you're a Fat Bounty Hunter trying to lift off with his rocket pack, you putter off into the air all slowly and tip over like you're going to crash into a wall and die.


"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FORCE POKE A STRANGER IN THE ASS."

• Companion Romance 

"Hey Soul, come tank this."
"Can't man, mah droid's making me watch some English movie."
"Ah, that sucks."
"Tell me about it. And that Lizardman thing just called me before hysterically crying, saying he's pregnant with my babies."

• Armor Set Pieces that have 'Light Side' Requirements

"Loot the thing and see what we got!"
"It's the epic Marauder helm!"
"Yes! Finally!"
"Wait, it's Light 3 and you're all in Dark 3."
/Darth Vader voice "Noooooooo!!"

• Plot choices are made randomly while in a group

"Don't kill the Captain or we'll have to spend like 3 hours fighting trash! Don't do it! Stop it!"
"Sorry, man. I didn't like the way he looked."

"I'm not questing with you anymore."

• Crafting and gathering is done by your companions in a sweatshop on your spaceship.

It's cool enough you get your own spaceship, but that's genius.

"Greetings, Master. How was your trip?
"Where's my money, droid? You better have sold those Space Nikes you've been making. And I want a sandwich and the dishes done, on the double."
Your companion does not like this. -5 Affectionation Points.
"Oh, boo hoo! Keep complaining, I will scrap you and turn you into a walking port-a-potty."

shopping with Spider

Limited time only classics from T-Shirt Hell

Cool:

The Horseman, Death

That site, Sideshow Collectibles, makes me ask myself weird questions.

Like, if you wanted a $500 Life-size Zombie Bust, where would you put it? Coffee table, as conversation piece? Bathroom, maybe convert it into a toothpaste dispenser? Bedroom, right on my endtable so when you wake in the middle of the night you open your eyes to a friendly Zombie saying "Hello"?

Hey, you know what's weirder than buying a huge zombie bust? Buying a zombie bust that actually has a bust.

I'm sure it's a huge seller (Hi, Japan), but I really don't like seeing 2 things I do enjoy combined into something that I wish I'd never seen.

Naughty Maid = Fantastic
Zombies = Awesome
Naughty Maid + Zombie = my genitals are going to have nightmares.

~

On my Wish List this week:

an action figure with my face


Not on the Wish List this week:

a bean bag gaming chair

...unless the bean bag comes with a cute blonde spreading her legs out like that on it.

I was kind of mad with that one. When I read "Video Game Chair", I thought it would have some sort of motion control aspect - like I could Wii that thing up. I was picturing getting Super Mario through a level by furiously dryhumping a bean bag, and I wanted this to be the future.

I want to be able to keybind video game controls to a bean bag. : (

SWTOR Exclusive: Ewok Weapon Progression

Melee                                                                                Ranged

Arguing about Ewoks

And so it continues.

Ewoks don't need shitty laser-sword technology! Ewoks know that it's more bad-ass to fuck your shit up with logs and stones.


Or did you forget how they work?

"Hi, I'm a Stormtrooper and I have lasers and giant walking machines!"
"Hi, I'm an Ewok and I wipe my ass with rocks. I just killed your whole platoon with a twig, some hemp rope and a boulder covered with Ewok crap. Come at me, bro."

This Ewok literally broke his entire leg off onto a Stormtrooper's rectum by jumpkicking him in the asshole into a tree. Twelve times.

He is a furry little ball of death and he will shove your stupid lasers up your urethra.













This whole discussion reminds me of the old Gnome debate you'd see in WoW.

See, a lot of people don't like the other Fantasy "races". They are racists. They hate Elves and Dwarves and Goat People and they especially hate Gnomes.

Elves, you can forgive them for being feminine... it's like they're the British. They talk funny and look like pale women, but they're old allies, they're sort of heroic in their own nancypants way.

Dwarves are ridiculously short and fat and therefore much less heroic and less cool, but they make up for up that by being all drunk and belligerent and hairy, like lovable Irish midgets.

But Gnomes, people hate Gnomes. They are cartoony. Cutesy. There are walking lawn ornaments. They are small and weak and have neon green Fu Manchu mustaches and day-glo pink combovers and nothing about any of that is heroic or cool in any way. They are 2 foot tall, gay, middle-aged French ravers. It's like they were intentionally designed to be loathsome.

And yet, WoW goes on.

Worst race ever, Most popular game ever.

You know why? Because it's just a fucking Gnome. You either kill it, and enjoy the killing more for the fact, or, you don't and you get on with your life. So it goes.

[For the record, I hated Gnomes, but I also did eventually roll a Gnome Rogue and a Warlock because I think a little baby-looking Death Mage is funny as hell. It was nice to have something that appealed to humor and quirkiness and not just grunting epeen.

Did WoW way over-do the cutesey-ness? Yeah. But it's WoW.]

We won't ever see playable Ewoks in SWTOR, hell I don't think we'll see any really visually interesting playable races in SWTOR.

Hard to just flatly say whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.


People keep asking for new / different / crazy / funny, and yet ... all they really want is old / same / boring / humorless Human Warrior, Face 3, Hair 2.

Maybe it's not that a Teddy Bear Race is uncool and or less heroic-y, it's that we're all just too fucking narrow and simple to imagine for a second that a little Half-Bear, Half-Apache, Half-Mini Me Killing Machine could be more interesting on some level than a sea of goateed Jason Stathams.

*Edit: This just in,
ArenaNet still does not give a shit if you like all of their races or not.

Redneck Weekend Haiku

Blaring Judas Priest
"Turbo Lover" in front yard,
drunk, shirtless, whooping.

~ Haiku ~

TROUBLE

I get yelled at on the Official SWTOR Forums. I logged in this morning to find an automated Private Message warning me that I need to post "constructive content".

How is this not "constructive"?

Topic: Demand the complete Star Wars experience.

Poll Question: You asked for the best, will you get it?
Option A: I demand that Ewoks be playable.
Option B: I want this game to fail.

How can you have a truly great Star Wars combat game without the the greatest combatants in all of Star Wars lore??

This game is an INSULT without Ewoks as a playable species. You are spitting in all true Star Wars fans eyes by cutting corners like this, using this excuse that they aren't discovered in this timeline yet. That is UNACCEPTABLE.

We DEMAND that you create some sort of time-space wormhole to the forest moon of Endor so that my Trooper can be an Ewok AND we demand a romanceable female Ewok companions for the Smuggler class, otherwise this game is going to be a mockery of a SHAM and cannot release until this is rectified.

My uncle is a lawyer.

How to remember the species in SWTOR

A look at the playable species in Star Wars: The Old Republahblah.

This is simply an easy way to remember certain species that are all new to us. Orcs, I know. Chiss, on the other hand, are new to a lot of people. I thought "Chiss" was like a dirty slang word for genital noises.

HUMANS
God's Most Perfection Creation 

CHISS
Blue Dudes + Bright Red Eyes = CHISS.

MIRIALAN
Green Dudes + Face Tattoos = MIRIALAN.

TWI'LEK
Gorgeous, Bright-skinned Aliens + Head Tentacles = TWI'LEK.



RATTATAKI
Goths + Baldness = RATTATAKI



SITH PUREBLOOD
Big Red Bad-Asses + Odd Chin Growths = PUREBLOOD


MIRALUKA
Eyeless Freaks + Silly Shit Covering Your Face = MIRALUKA


ZABRAK
Horns + Looks like The Devil = ZABRAK

Big Win

Congrats to the Boston Bruins on winning the Stanley Cup.

I like how Vancouver fans went into a (justifiably) hysterical rage and meanwhile people in America could not give less of a shit. You know when you go to the bathroom and nothing comes out except for maybe like, half a fart and a couple pee drops? America gives less than that about hockey.

Sorry, Canada.

I also like that the Canucks are now like the go-to slumpbusters of the NHL.

You remember those girls you grew up with, maybe in college, maybe just a local regular at the pub, the easy ones that no one ever really wanted to go after, but, they were there. In case of emergency, break glass and buy her a drink? That's what the Canucks are.

New York Rangers: "I haven't gone all the way in like 50 fuckin' years here. Hey, Canucks, how you doin'?"
Canucks: "HI."

Boston Bruins: "I haven't put my fingah in a ring in a wicked long time. Hey, Canucks, you like apples?"
Canucks: "Yeah, I have sex with apples, eh."

SWTOR - Factional Balance #'s

Thought this was interesting.

Which side will you give your allegiance to?
25k+ responses

The Galactic Republic		11,007	42.47%
The Sith Empire		11,435	44.12%
Undecided		3,474	13.40%

Which of the classes are you most excited to play?
~25k responses

Empire Classes [Warrior, Inquisitor, BH, Agent]: 51.76%
Republic Classes [Knight, JC, Trooper, Smuggler]: 48.24%

Which class are you planning on trying out first?
15k+ responses

Empire Classes [Warrior, Inquisitor, BH, Agent]: 50.33%
Republic Classes [Knight, JC, Trooper, Smuggler]: 49.67%



Inquisitor is early favorite along w/ Jedi Knight and the other 2 Force-users.
Agent, Smuggler, Trooper aren't the biggest draws, all scuttling around at about >10%.



Player's preferred race (or in this case, species) won't matter much - the runaway most popular species (Human), is available to both factions.

Making my case

Trying to convince my guild-mates to vote on rolling Empire.

quote :

Basically it's Empire 2-1 anyway you look at it

Smugglers are awesome because you are Han Solo kicking people in the balls and you get a Chewbacca sidekick.
Agents wear Space Sunglasses and ... yeah.
Point: REPUBLIC

Inquisitors are neat because you are a scary Dark Lord. And you get the most badass companions.
Consulars are Space Wizards that throw shit around like angry telekinetic toddlers.
Point: EMPIRE

Sith Warriors are Marauders and Juggernauts. They Force Choke dudes to death and run around with hot blue chicks.
Jedi have beards. They run around with a trashcan that makes beeping noises.
Point: EMPIRE

Bounty Hunters have flamethrowers and jetpacks. They can hang out with a giant bodyguard, a Jawa or a hot Asian lady that heals everybody.
Troopers have huge crotch guns of death.
Point: Even.

*Edit:


My argument at the moment:


Jedi are stupid.

Evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

Highlights: SWTOR live stream video

Think this link should work

*Pro-strategy:
Show off cool new mounts.

*Bad-strategy:
Show off a fucking Sith Segway. Also, point out the 3 or more bugs it has.

*Pro-strategy:
Show off cool new game features.

*Bad-strategy:
Repeatedly point out how cute your cartoon character companion looks. The Jawa named 'Blizz'.  Also, spend 45 minutes scooting around a desert on your Space Vespa.


Ah, wait...
That's more like it.


Fuck yeah.
Mon Calamari? No. I've been told I saw Rakata.

SWTOR advanced classes

Official Site Preview

Each class must chose from 1 of 2 Advanced Classes at level 10. Each Advanced Class has 3 separate skill trees, 1 of which is shared between both of the subclasses.

Dev Blog
Interview

Classes appear to be pretty close, but definitely not exact, mirrors. (Example: Bounty Hunters have jetpacks, Troopers have huge crotch bazookas. Fair trade? We'll see.)

Jedi Knight - Tank, DPS
Guardian skill trees: Vigilance (attack tank), Defiance (defensive tank)
|[single lightsaber, Heavy Armor]
Sentinel skill trees: Watchman (sustained mdps), Combat (burst mdps)
|[dualwields lightsabers, medium armor]
shared skill tree: Focus (CC / PvP, burst dps)
Sith Warrior - Tank, DPS
Juggernaut : Vengeance (attack tank), Immortal (defensive tank)
|[single lightsaber, Heavy Armor]
Marauder : Annihilation (sustained dps), Carnage (burst mdps)
|[dualwields lightsabers, medium armor]
shared skill tree: Rage (CC / PvP, burst dps)

Trooper - Tank, DPS, Healer
Vanguard : Tactics (attack tank), Shield Specialist (defensive tank)
|[blaster rifle, heavy armor, power shields]
Commando : Gunnery (burst RDPS), Combat Medic (heals)
|[heavy blaster cannon, armor, gadgets]
shared skills : Assault Specialist (damage, utility; grenades, explosives)
Bounty Hunter - Tank, DPS, Healer
Powertech : Advanced Prototype (attack tank), Shield Tech (defensive)
|[flamethrower, heavy armor, power shields]
Mercenary : Arsenal (burst RDPS), Bodyguard (heals)
|[dual blasters, armor, gadgets]
shared : Firebug (damage; missiles, fwoosh-making)

Jedi Consular - Healer, DPS, Tank
Sage : Telekinetics (telekinetic RDPS), Seer (heals)
|[single lightsaber, light armor]
Shadow : Infiltration (Stealth MDPS), Kinetic Combat (Stealth Tank)
|[doublebladed lightsaber, light armor]
shared : Balance (augments melee/ranged Force + Saber attacks)
Sith Inquisitor - Healer, DPS, Tank
Sorcerer : Lightning (lightning RDPS), Corruption (darkside heals)
|[single lightsaber, light armor]
Assassin : Deception (Stealth MDPS), Darkness (Stealth Tank)
|[doublebladed lightsaber, light armor]
shared : Madness (melee/ranged lifetaps)

Smuggler - DPS, Healer
Gunslinger : Saboteur (Sustained RDPS), Sharpshooter (Burst RDPS)
|[Cover, dual pistols]
Scoundrel : Sawbones (heals), Scrapper (Stealth mid-range/MDPS)
|[Stealth,Cover  scattergun, heal tech, 'splosions]
shared : Dirty Fighting (DOT dps)
Imperial Agent - DPS, Healer
Sniper : Marksmanship (Burst RDPS), Engineering (Sustained RDPS)
|[Cover, sniper rifle, probes, bombs]
Operative : Medic (heals), Concealment (Stealth mid-range/MDPS)
|[Stealth, Cover, positional Energy Blade backstabs, heal tech]
shared : Lethality (poison DOTs)



~~~
TL:DR version :

CLASS -- Advanced Class :: [Available Skill Trees]

JEDI KNIGHT - Guardian :: [Tank] [MDPS]
JEDI KNIGHT - Sentinel :: [Burst MDPS] [Sustained MDPS]
SITH WARRIOR - Juggernaut :: [Tank] [MDPS]
SITH WARRIOR - Marauder :: [Burst MDPS] [Sustained MDPS]

TROOPER - Vanguard :: [Tank] [MDPS]
TROOPER - Commando :: [Heals] [RDPS]
BOUNTY HUNTER - Powertech :: [Tank] [MDPS]
BOUNTY HUNTER - Mercenary :: [Heals] [RDPS]

JEDI CONSULAR - Sage :: [heals] [RDPS]
JEDI CONSULAR - Shadow :: [MDPS] [Tank]
SITH INQUISITOR - Sorcerer :: [heals] [RDPS]
SITH INQUISITOR - Assassin :: [MDPS] [Tank]

SMUGGLER - Gunslinger [Sustained RDPS] [Burst RDPS]
SMUGGLER - Scoundrel [heals] [Mid/MDPS]
IMPERIAL AGENT - Sniper [Sustained RDPS] [Burst RDPS]
IMPERIAL AGENT - Operative [heals] [Burst MDPS]

RL Games, Part 2

 Youtube Frog Videos 1, PvE  0