Suggestion of the Day

Zazie has put forth the proposition that all men are NOT created equal and rr80 players should be able to fly for free.

I would like that. I am very close to 80. But, it's not what I want in my heart. I think rr80 rewards should be limited to very special, very awesome things. And, while flying for frees is nice, it's just that. It's nice. I don't want nice, I want FUCK YOU, I'M RANK EIGHTY AND YOU'RE A LOWBIE PLEBE PIECE OF SHIT, NOW GO HOME AND GET YOUR SHINEBOX.

My suggestion: class-specific Companions.
There are very few available Vanity Pets in-game and owning rare "escorts" that follow the Great Champions of this WAR would be something special.


rr80 DARK ELF BLACKGUARD COMPANION
WITCH ELF HO TRAIN

The Ol' Loot Lockout

Upcoming Games: Threats & Thuds!

I like talking about upcoming games. I do it a lot. It's kind of annoying.

Since this is my Warhammer blog, I figured I rejigger the topic - I'd post not just about what games are coming out - but what it means for the average Warhammer player.

Let's go for a ride together, Billy.


- WARHAMMER 40K
Clearly this should interest a lot of the Warhammer Online population. It's basically WAR with Space Marines that have laser chainsaw guns.
Sure, that's not everyone's cup of tea. A lot of Warhammer players aren't fond of laser chainsaw guns. These are the type of people that run around in the woods with cardboard swords yelling "Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!"
There's a word for people like that. Virgin.

The 2 key things here are:
1. No one really knows jack about this game. It could be complete garbage, we have no idea. I hope THQ / Vigil aces it, but I'm not even sure what "it" is yet.
2. It's still way off. Late 2012?

So, even if it is any good, it's so far off we'll probably all be dead already.
(Mayan Apocalypse!)

Threat-o-meter: None. We'll all be dead. :(


- SWTOR
See, here's the thing about Star Wars - remember what I said about the Lightning Bolt nerds not liking Science-Fiction? Yeah, well, even those dorks like Star Wars. THIS GAME IS GOING TO DESTROY US ALL.

It seems there's a good chance it could take forever to release and there are valid fears it's essentially a Massively CO-OP Single Player game. Regardless, Warhammer and every other game are in major trouble.

Threat-o-meter: Off the charts. BioWare + Star Wars.

- Starcraft 2
Completely different type of game (RTS) in another genre (Sci-Fi), should have little impact on Warhammer-type MMOs.

Threat-o-meter: A brief distraction on the road to the grave.

- The Secret World
This, above all other games, I want to be good. It's a real darkhorse... mixing horror genres, shotguns and samurai swords, and maybe even ...decent PvP? No one knows what to really expect.

The whole Failcom aspect is seriously off-putting, but why wouldn't you want this game to be good?

Threat-o-meter: I wouldn't mind if TSW busts in and totally skullbones WAR to death, that's just me. We'll see.

- Guild Wars 2
This one might sting a little. I don't think the Dynamic Event features they're hyping really matter in the big picture, but it will have some good things going for it. It'll be new and different. It should look much newer, betterer and differenter than WAR, maybe it will play newer, betterer and differenter than WAR.

Threat-o-meter: If GW2 can convince us the gameplay is fun, it could present a viable option to people bored with Doorhammer and all it's leafy genital warts.

Picture(s) of the Day

Pics and OBNOXIOUS MUSIC, after the jump.

I don't roll in pink

but I'll shell out some green.

You should, too. If you've got some, give some.

Susan G. Komen for the Cure

Prostate Cancer Foundation

This happened

Highlight of the Day!

I played in my One Millionth Nordenwatch Scenario last night, guys! I was so psyched, it triggered a Tome Unlock and suddenly balloons appeared all around me, it was such a nice moment!




(I hate to say this, but right when I was enjoying this festive occasion these 2 butthole Witch Hunters jumped out from stealth and started stabbing and shooting all my balloons! I hate those guys! "Gray" and "Krib" or something like that. Jerks.)

The reviews are in

It's been confirmed by the masses, The Spider Love Blog is a cultural phenomenon.
6 million unique hits in a single week. Glowing reviews keep pouring in!


"I thought the Kegcycle was cool, but then lmoa when I saw the bright car. Very funny."
- Hohenstaufen of Volkmar

That's how funny the Bright Car is. He didn't laugh his ass off, he laughed his organs away.

"i thought about laughing... but then my brain hurt.. and i didn't......"
- Nukeyoo, Blacklisted

That's good, right? I'm saying that's a positive comment.

"lol nice work. Clearly you're the walter cronkite of warhammer."
- Seladorian, Blacklisted

I don't know a lot about Walter Cronkite, but I know he was a revolutionary running back for the Chicago Bears, and that's kind of what I'm trying to do here, just rushing the ball home with flair, but the "ball" is "breaking news and insightful opinion and analysis", so that's an OK analogy, I'm like the very best running back of reporters.

"all forms of LOL"
- McBeard, Acension

Solid LOLs! Liquid LOLs! Gaseous LOLs!

"ROFLMAO!!!"
Azami of Gorfang

I would have preferred the fourth exclamation point there, but I'll take three.

"Stick to designing mounts!"
Tripan, Blacklisted

Blacklisted needs more Bright Wizards.

"Now that is some funny asswaffle... waffleing hilarious."
- Skankey, Old Folks

Oooo, someone just made it to the top of the 'Guard that dude' list.

Picture of the Day

Warhammer Online caught red-handed with blatant product placement, Mythic denies any deals to promote 'Sex And The City 2'

BETA BUDDIES?

If anyone else is playing the CB of LOCO, please let me know, I'll want to get in touch so that I can laugh at you.

J/K! I'm downloading it now. I will play anything. I am a sad, lonely fat girl.



*UPDATE: Yeah, I can't play that.

What WAR could steal from WOW

PART ONE

OKAY We all know that Games Workshop, Warhammer's Mama, actually stole all their ideas from Blizzard like 30 years ago. This is fact, it's been proven, let's not even fight it. Orcs, Dwarves, Elves, all ripped off from the Warcraft Tabletop Game that was introduced in the late 70's.

Why stop there? Why not steal as much as possible from World of Warcraft, aka the Most Perfect Thing Ever Made. Blizzard doesn't have bad ideas. Let's use them.

- Cross-Server Scenarios
PROS: would make scens pop with greater frequency, would allow some variety in competition and new rivalries
CONS: none, this idea is brilliantly flawless in all ways.

I've heard some people say that implementing this would be very hard, others say it would be very easy. From my personal experience, coding things is extremely easy. Here, watch this, I'm going to align=right the crap out of this picture.


I ALIGNED THIS PICTURE TO APPEAR TO THE RIGHT OF THIS TEXT USING INTERNET CODING. IT TOOK ME LIKE 2 SECONDS. WHY CAN'T WARHAMMERS HAVE CROSS-SERVERS SCENARIO BATTLINGS?

Okay, that's actually aligned to the left. Not sure how that happened. But still, it's aligned to the text, so, mission accomplished.

Will we see Cross-Server Scenarios in our lifetimes?
I believe so. When all the servers are merged together this fall.

Let's get a little trickier with the coding stuff. Mythic would have to bring their A-Game for this one. All 5 employees.

- Dungeon Finder

Sick of begging in region chat for 2 more to run some dungeon, like you're some pathetic street hobo? Good. You should, it's embarrassing.
Dungeon Finder automatically ques you up for the appropriate dungeons, finds a group for you, and will magically teleport you to the dungeon. No muss, no fuss, sometimes you even get teamed with Portuguese that will teach you new cursewords. Dungeon Finder even gives you a bag with a free toy in it.

This doesn't help Warhammer that much, I believe there're only 3 dungeons in the entire game, they all have lockouts, and we all completely hate the PVE in this game anyways.

But you could expand on some of the ideas behind Dungeon Finder and apply them to features in Warhammer. No one does Public Quests anymore, why not give players a hand in finding a group to PQ with and make it easier (read: fun) to do them?

Would I want people pulled away from the RvR lakes to do more dungeons and PQs? No. But, hell, it's part of the game. Make those aspects more fun and accessible and get them in and out without all the waiting and hating.

The thing I like most about the Dungeon Finder is Role Selection, where you choose 1 of the Big 3 roles (Tank, Healer, Damage) based on what you feel like playing. Once a party with at least 1 Healer and 1 Tank is found, your party can start rocking. This seems like a no-brainer for scenarios. You really don't want to spend 15 minutes getting your feces pushed in because you've got no one healing your team. Yet it happens all day.

Role Selection should at least be an option, something you can toggle on or off. Don't care what kind of group you get in and just want a scen to pop quick-like? Don't que for a Role Selection group. Want to make sure you're in a balanced group that has 2 healers and 2 tanks? Click on Role Selection when you que and pick your Role.

Again, I've already proven that coding things is easy and takes 2 seconds, no problems.

Is the population there for this sort of thing? Probably not until we're all playing on the Iron Volkfanglands server.


- $25 Space Ponies
Hey, how come they get flying space ponies and we don't? No fair. I have money, I want to waste it on stupid things I don't need. Everquest jumped all over this idea, why can't Warhammer? Everyone in this game rides the same sad, non-flying manticore. When you play Warcraft, you are truly playing in a dreamworld of magic. Lawn Gnomes ride sparkly angel horses and zombie cow-people with Mr. T heads peel out in front of the bank all day on their motorcycles. It's fan-tastic, it's like playing a MMO version of Village People Online.

The Nemesis System

I was thinking that, in a roundabout way, I've become Bizarro Gaarawarr.
He's an Ironbreaker, I'm a Blackguard.
He writes this useless trash blog that helps no one, my blog is amazing and makes the world a better place.

I mean, seriously, look at his blog right now. Look at it.




I promise you, The Spider Love blog will never be pink. My armor will never be pink. My gear will always be Blood Red and Blackest Black. Maybe Ninja Camouflage Green so I can jump out of bushes and destroy Bright Wizards.
But I will never wear pink, ever. I make this oath to you now, loyal Spider Love blog readers.

I also hate Jalis. Jalis is another Ironbreaker, and another sick, twisted mirror version of myself. Jalis tries to be friendly and supportive and positive.
He is Dwarf scum and disgusts me. I am the Anti-Jalis.




Spider Love: Doesn't wear pink, supports free speech, is not Dwarf scum.

Picture of the Day

Thought of the Day

When did Warhammer become the biggest slut on the block?

I'm just wondering, why let all the sub40s into the City Siege Endgame?
How does that make sense? And then you add the whole Endless Trial thing, it just reeks of stupid, desperate hookerishness.

I'm sorry. This game is a just being a total tramp, it's kind of skeevy.

"Hey you, you over there, want some free trial? Just play me all you want whenever you want, I don't even care. Hey you guys, let's all just do endgame right here, right now! Everyone in this room, everybody do endgame to me! Do city siege all in my face!" /starts crying hysterically


Here is a picture of Tyanon. My blog is way better than his.

SO ANYWAYS Back when I was diddling around with my March Madness Expansion Race Brackets, (Sea Dogs FTW Forever), I briefly had this idea to pair the potential new races in a way that their backstories and zones match up into this big interweaving story arc that made sense and got people really involved and wanting to see how it all played out in the endgame and holy god is this sentence ever going to end?

The one pairing that jumped out at me was the idea of introducing the Vampire Counts and a sort of expeditionary Empire strikeforce led by the Black Knights of Morr. I don't know much about the lore, but the idea of these outcast dark knights out on the fringes of the Empire heading straight into the undead heart of Sylvania to fight the bloodsucking menace head-on sounds like a good seed of a storyline, no? Perhaps. I copped out and turned the idea into a generic Empire 'B' Team and abandoned the idea of pairing the races.

But not before I tried pairing two other 'races' I pulled out of my bottomhole.

I had this idea that the Empire's Colleges of Magic would enter the battlefield together, filling different roles, frontline wizards playing as tanks and melee, backliners healing and blowing things up.

Who would Tzeentch call on to counter this sort of threat?

If you look around in this game, all the servants of the different Chaos gods are all mirrored with the same basic idea. Their stormtroopers are all heavy-armor Chosen, their berserkers are all mutated Marauder freaks, their priests are all twisted, fanatical Zealots.

Their sorcerers would all be voidcalling, daemon-riding Magus.

Ew. End of that idea right there. No way a group of Maggots are going to stand up to an army of Empire Wizards that can tank and heal.

I still kind of wanted to see what they'd look like, though.

What would a Plague Magus of Nurgle look like? What sort of daemons would a Khorne Bloodmage call upon? What sort of freaky disk would a Slaanesh Magician surf around on?

Plague Magus make a lot of sense. Papa Nurgle has several followers already in-game to act as summons, and it's plausible they could all do mid/long range damage just by being gross and farting out rotclouds and stuff.


No idea what a Slaanesh Ritualist would ride around on, so I just guessed that since they're all such skanky motherfudgers that their daemon-disk probably looks like a walking STD.


Khorne is supposed to detest magic unless by "magic" you mean "hacking dudes open with a giant axe." So, let's just pretend that the Khorne Bloodmage works under that premise and only uses magic to swing around giant dude-hacking axes.


and ... whoops, ran out of Chaos Gods. There's got to be a fourth archetype, otherwise this all just makes no sense.


Hm. How about a Conjurer of the Tomb Kings?



Or a Vampire Count Necromancer?

BOOK(s) of the DAY

I just started reading World War Z today and am re-reading The Great Outdoor Fight for the 500th time as well. Would you like to talk about books or suggest a book to read?
Awesome, I'm sure you can find someone else for that. Your opinions mean nothing to me. Moron.

Picture of the Day

"I am a giant angry arsehole"


Second trip to the new City Siege, 1st time being Championed.

Personally, I think Tchar'zanek made a horrible choice picking a Suckguard with a two-hander, but hey, it's certainly not the first time Ol' Tchartchar has failed us, definitely won't be the last. Big bug-armed fgt.

It was a fun time, but also brought upon Great Sadness. At long last I had the opportunity to actually play an OVERpowered Blackguard (*gasp*) with some semblance of knockout power. So, how did I make use of this glorious newfound power?

- Tchary champs me, I start laughing hysterically.
- I waste time taking screenshots and touching myself.
- I'm not sure what to do with my gigantism, I immediately spam my big cool-looking abilities just to see how it looks.
- They look cool as sht.
- Everything is dead. Kyasuka and Interior killed everyone while I was touching myself and spamming Enraged Beating.
- I shrink back down to suck size and begin weeping uncontrollably.

I'm posting my epic opus, Gobbo Got Back, again.
Why? I love goblin butt, OK? It's my blogs, man.



Oh. My. God.
Becky, look at her butt. It is so big.
She looks like one of those Orc guy's girlfriends
Who understands those Orc guys?
They only invite her because she looks like a total shaman, kk?
I mean, her butt. It's just so big.
I can't believe it's so round. It's like, out there.
I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ...green!

I like green butts and I can not lie
You other black guards can't deny
When a goblin logs in with an itty bitty waist
And a green thing in your face
You get one-shotted
Wanna shout out like a Herald
Cuz you notice that butt is emerald
Deep in the loincloth she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh gobbo, I wanna group with ya
Screenshot your picture
My guildmates tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me A.o.E.
Ooh, rump of jade skin
You say you wanna get on my dino
Well, use me, use me cuz you aint that average albino

I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's Green, Mean, got it goin' like a 4-wheeled machine

I'm tired of the Empire
Saying pale butts look flyer
Take the average Black Orc and ask him that
She gotta pack much back

So Greenskins! (WAAAGH!) Greeenskins! (WAAAAAAAAAGH!)
Has your goblin got the butt? (HELL WAAAAGH!)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that lime green heiney
Gobbo got back
(Ellyrion face with Badlands booty)

I like 'em olive and big
And when I'm ridin' my pig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin' like a Choppa
Cuz I wanna git on top ya

I wanna get you home
And UH, double-up UH! UH!
I aint talkin bout Witch Elves
Those behinds look like bookshelves
I want 'em real green and juicy
So find that juicy double
Plinkalot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of lime bubble
So I'm lookin' at Iron Rock videos
Knock-kneed Sorcs walking like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like gobbos
A word to the green soul-sistas
I wanna team with ya
I won't overextend or kick ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna -- [Orc Grunting Noises]
Til the break of dawn
Gobbo got it goin' on
Alot of dwarves won't like this song
Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to put the two-hander on

So green chicks (WAAAGH), green chicks (WAAAAAAGH)
Do you wanna ride on my Disk? (WAAAAAGH!!!)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even High Elves got to shout
Gobbo got back
(Ellyrion face with the Badlands booty)

Yeah gobbo
When it comes to females
Shrooms ain't got nothin to do with reproduction
36-24-36?
Haha only if she's 2'3"!

So your girlfriend rolls a gyrocopta
Playin' ironbreakers like Fonda
But Fonda aint got a motor underneath that copter
My Cold One don't want none unless you've got buns, hun
You can rub it on the ground to /special, but please don't lose that butt
Some black orcs wanna play it solo
And tell you that the butt ain't gold, oh
So they pug it and leave it
And I que up quick to retrieve it

So Mythic says you don't exist
Well I think that's bullshist
Cuz your height is small and your BO's stinkin'
And I'm thinkin' bout plinkin'
(Gobbo got back)

LAST OF THE NEW rr80 MOUNTS, THESE AREN'T THAT FUNNY

This is the last part of my exposé. Let's wrap up that interview with my source at Mythic and finally be done with this.

Spider Love, Greatest of All Warhammer Bloggers: "The Slayer Mount probably looks pretty funky, huh?"
"CG", Secret Mythic Leaker: "When you think 'Slayer', what do you think?"
Spider Love: "Half-naked ginger midget with unsightly man-boobs."
"CG": "So what sort of mount would you expect a Slayer to ride?"
Spider: "I don't know, one of those oily man-boys dancing around in a thong made of saran wrap at a gay pride parade."
"CG": "We actually went with 'Slayer Bear'."
Spider: "So they ride portly gay men with excessive body hair?"
"CG": "No, no. Real bears. But they're Slayer Bears."
Spider: "WTF is a Slayer Bear?"
"CG": "It's a pissed-off bear that's been shaved so that it has a mohawk and then the mohawk is dyed orange."

DWARF SLAYER SLAYER BEAR


Spider: "Why the hell would a Slayer do that?"
"CG": "Slayers drink. Alot."
Spider: "What about Knights of the Blahblahblah?"
"CG": "When you think Knights, you think heavy armor, you think vigilance-"
Spider: "Stupid feathers and overpowered abilities."
"CG": "Yeah, stupid feathers, that's pretty much the Knight's thing."

WARCOCK OF THE BLAZING SUN


Spider: "Another home run."
"CG": "Are we done yet?"
Spider: "No, we've still got the stealthers."
"CG": Alright, we wanted something to match the cunning ruthlessness of the Witch Hunter."
Spider: "If by 'cunning ruthlessness' you mean 'talentless griefing' and 'running from fights all day', yeah sure."
"CG": "Oh good, you'll think their mount is appropriate then."

EMPIRE WITCH HUNTER HORRIBLE RATWEASEL TROLLBEAST


Spider: "I already know what Witch Elves will ride."
"CG": "What'd you have in mind?
Spider: "Kind of obvious, really."

DARK ELF WITCH ELF WITCH POLE






"CG": "Okay, I get the picture."
Spider: "What? Oh. Yeah. Whatever."

HIGH ELVES RR80 MOUNTS: REVEALED!
Exclusive Sneak Peek, seen here ONLY.

HIGH ELF ARCHMAGE PEGASUS


HIGH ELF WHITE LION UNICORN


HIGH ELF SHADOW WARRIOR MAGIC RAINBOWRIDER STALLION


HIGH ELF SWORDMASTER BUBBLEMOBILE

SOURCE REVEALS EXCLUSIVE FEATURES OF UPCOMING EXPANSION
In this part of my interview with anonymous Mythic Source "CG", we discuss some of the things they're working on bringing to the game in the upcoming expansion, Warhammer Online: Even More Reckoning.


Spider Love, Best Warhammer Blogger Ever: "One of the things we talked about earlier was bringing some of the really popular features from the MMO genre into Warhammer."
"CG", Supersecret Mythic Source: "Yes, you wanted mounted combat."
Spider Love: "Is that something we might see in the expansion?"
"CG": "No."



Spider: "What about my idea for dual-classing, where players can spec into a secondary class and grab some of their abilities?"
"CG": "That would probably be a very bad idea."
Spider: "That would be an awesome idea. I want my Blackguard to learn Squig Herder skills, it would make him a Dark Elf Beastmaster."
"CG": "You're very dorky. We can't do that."

DARK ELF HYDRA HERDER TANK-RDPS-PET CLASS


Spider: "What about player housing?"
"CG": [Laughs]
Spider: "I want a beach bungalow I can bring witches to."
CG: "Not happening."
Spider: "Seriously, why can't you do housing like they have in LOTRO? They have instanced housing areas you can customize with trophies and stuff."
"CG": "You want us to put time and effort into that so you can show off fish trophies?"
Spider: "Well, no, the trophies would be cool. It would be like, 'Hey guys, come over and check out this rare drop Head of Dalor."
CG: "No."

PLAYER HOUSING: NO



Spider: "Not even guild housing? You couldn't make the Ghost Forts into Alliance Strongholds or something?"
"CG": "No, god damn it, we're not doing any housing."
Spider: "I want to destroy other guilds' homes."
"CG": "We're not doing that."
Spider: "Or like, sneak into their bedrooms and Crock all over their stuff."
CG: "No."

IM IN UR BASE, CROCKING UR STUFF


Spider: "So, are there any other sort of classic MMO features you plan on adding?"
"CG": "We're hard at work coding a Marriage feature."

GAY MARRIAGE THREEWAYS: YES

And now, even more exclusive looks at the upcoming rr80 mounts in Part Two of my interview with Mythic.

(*Editor's note: Hey, High Elves, quit your bitching. Seriously. I'll get to you. Everyone knows that you're the bastard redheaded stepchild race that no one really wanted. Wear your buckets and STFU.)

Spider Love: "What's the hold-up with the Ridin' Squig?"
"CG": "We're discussing a remodel of the mount."
Spider: "Why's that? Does it run off in the completely opposite direction you want it to?"
"CG": "No. Do you know what a Ridin' Squig is supposed to look like?"
Spider: "Yeah, a big fat bloated mutant frog monster."
"CG": "Exactly, and that's what we were shooting for. Unfortunately, it looks a little too... life-like."

GOBLIN SQUIG HERDER RIDIN' SQUIG


Spider: "Kirstie Alley?"
"CG": "We're also experiencing some problems with another Greenskin mount."
Spider: "Yes, what's up with the Black Orcmobile?"
"CG": "It's completely filling up the screen and is so loud it makes your ears bleed."

BLACK ORC MONSTA TRUKK


Spider: "Oh, good. Another reason I'd rather just have Chosen around. Do the Sorcs get a mount? Giant purple pancakes of death? Do they crap out ice bridges like Bobby Drake?"
"CG": "They get a mount. We originally were going to give them Dark Steeds."
Spider: "Horses are boring!"
"CG": "Yeah, so we gave them something more exotic, something sleek and dangerous."

DARK ELF SORCERER TIGER FROM THE AGE OF CONAN


Spider: "Hey, that's the tiger from the new Age of Conan expansion they just released! Why'd you steal their tiger?"
"CG": "Because f*** Age of Conan. That's why. F*** those guys."
Spider: "..."
"CG": "Would you like to hear about the mounts for the Disciples of Khaine?"
Spider: "Sure, I'd like to know what 85% of the server will be riding."
"CG": "Khaine's champions will ride in style on a savage killing machine of a beast, the ultimate predator, a Carnosaur, twisted by the Hand of the Murder God himself into his own image, given the Face of Khaine!"
Spider: "Relax, Rod Roddy, just show me the Khainosaur"

DARK ELF DISCIPLE OF KHAINE CARNOSAUR OF KHAINE

This is the exclusive interview I scored with Mythic about the upcoming Renown Rank 80 Mounts! I hope you like it, there are both questions and answers.


Spider Love, Best Warhammer Blogger Ever: "Hi, what can you tell you me about the new mounts you guys are working on?"
"CG", Whoever The Hell That Is: "I can't tell you anything because we're not working on-"
Spider: "Lies! The Bright Car has been in development since '07 and we both know it!"
"CG": "Alright, I'll admit it. Damn you, Spider, your sources are good. You're very good."
Spider: "I know. Tell me more about the mounts. Why does the new LOTD-style horse look so lame?"
"CG": "We think it's a beautiful horse."
Spider: "What, are you five? It's a horse wearing a shiny gold neck dress. Looks like it's going to Pony Prom. Tell me about how you guys came up with some of the ideas for the new rr80 mounts."
"CG": "OK, we'll use the Magus as an example. They ride these disks that are actually bound-up daemons, right?"
Spider: "No one cares about the 5 people playing Magus, this better be super interesting."
"CG": "Well, we thought, what would be the ultimate chaos daemon to bind into hovering disk form?"
Spider: "Sarah Jessica Parker."
"CG": "No, we researched this golden king of demons, this completely ravenous monster that does nothing but feed on the spirits of the damned to fuel his power, and his unholy hunger is never sated."
Spider: "That sounds kind of bad-ass, so what's the golden, ghost-munching demon lord look like?"

ENSLAVED P'AHQ-MON, DEVOURER OF SOULS




Spider: "Should have seen that coming. Well, they should've rolled Sorcs anyways, so screw them."
Spider: "Hey, when is TOR Coming out?"

EXCLUSIVE PICS! Leaked Warhammer Epic Mounts

CHAOS CHOSEN CHOSEN OF CHAOS CHOSEN CHOSEN
(*Note: The Chosen mount is actually another Chosen, spamming Ravage.)


EMPIRE WARRIOR PRIEST SIGMARITE CHOIR BOY
(Get it? ...Priests... and they ride... ah, nevermind.)



GOBLIN SHAMAN GOBBO ROCKIT



DWARF RUNE PRIEST RUNEHOUND

EXCLUSIVE PICS New Warhammer Epic Class Mounts

DWARF ENGINEER KEGCYCLE


CHAOS MARAUDER MARAUD-O-MOBILE
(He's using "Gift of Forty" as his off-hand mutation.)



EMPIRE BRIGHT WIZARD BRIGHT CAR


ORC CHOPPA HELICHOPPA


CHAOS ZEALOT CHAOS RAVEN
(Note: there is currently a bug in testing where enemy players can dismount Zealots by right-clicking off their Raven Mount buff icon, the dev team is working on this and will address this issue in a future patch, Fall 2011.)


DARK ELF BLACKGUARD BLACKWHEELS
(This is probably the worst mount ever, but Mythic swears they're going to look at some metrics and potentially give it some rims to try to keep in more in line with it's mirror class, the Ironbreaker.)



DWARF IRONBREAKER FIREBREATHING ROBOSAURUS