Great Minds

Penny Arcade stole my idea for creating a horrible new "tap things and wait a really long time" game.

They naturally came up with the better name: "Touchasaurus."

(My working title was "Fantasy Dream Dragon Zooquarium and Baby Unicorn Farm Storyville.")

True Story: I breed Wizard Dragons.

The other notable differences:

In my game, "FDDZ+BUFS", a dollar buys you nothing. Standard rate is $3 to get a taste, $5-10 for the cheap stuff, $30 if you want the good shit.

The dragons you buy only have a 5 minute window after hatching where you're able to claim them. If you are not around to click the egg within these 5 minutes, the dragon will get Dragon AIDs and immediately die. You can revive the dragon for $30.

The dragons shit all over your castle. You need to click the shits to remove them. This gives you a single coin, which you can spend only on ugly decorative trees, which do nothing.

There will be an excessive amount of mindless tapping and double-tapping on poops and bushes, this is not to make the 'player' feel like he is actually 'playing' a 'game', I just want to make stupid assholes waste their time by needlessly triple-tapping meaningless buttons.

Also, this helps so that you accidentally hit "Buy NOW!" buttons and are immediately charged $30 to your credit card. No refunds, kids, sorry.




My game would be almost entirely pop-up box advertisements asking you to give me money. I think an acceptable ratio would be 6 minutes of clicking through ads followed by a grand total of 18 seconds of actual 'play' time per session.

Third Wheelzzz

Re: Rift adding 3 Faction PvP

 I honestly don't remember there even being 2 faction PvP in Rift, but still, good for Rift. You go, girl.

I'm trying to picture a scenario where I would really be interested in coming back to Rift for its awful, afterthought PvP, and ... it's hard. It's hard to think of a something that would catch my interest.

Pandas?

No. You know what I would do. I would make their third faction a combination of the races people have been dying to see as third factions in other games.

See, then I'd be slightly interested.

siege done right

It may not be Guild Wars 2. Is it ArcheAge?




Hard to argue with belfries, I always say.

 Still not sure about how big AA will be here -- Americans generally aren't the fondest of import MMOs, nor is our majority very fond of slow-go Sandbox games. But even the boring 'grindy' bits look (potentially) weirdly epic.

Aimlessly Floating Along

SWTOR gave me a free week to see their big Legacy patch, but... holy crap I could not be more indifferent to MMOs right now.

 I've heard there's some WoW Plague Homage they're doing which is just so oddly fitting and poetic.

The epic Legacy features basically boiled down to me unlocking the ridiculous indoor Missile Strike ability and the Chiss species for new characters, if I had an actual character slot to use

And I guess I have like 8 different 'punch' attacks now for some reason. It all seems very silly and trifling and thrown-up to me.

I was giving LOTRO and DCUO a look again last week, and honestly, I was just having much more fun playing those games. I'm sure players still are enjoying SWTOR, but I really have a hard time playing it now even when it's free.

Cringe-inducing dialogue. Agonizing load times. Meta-quests which are just me running around to a list of different map coords. I really want it to be somewhat enjoyable, and even that's asking too much.

I'm waiting for GW2 and TSW now, but, really I've stopped in my tracks and tempered my expectations here. I usually like a solid reason, any reason, why I should pre-order specific games, and I realize I don't have one. Not a one. Dynamic yak escorting and cosmetic vampire T-shirts just aren't enough for me right now.

Neverwinter @ PAX East

MMORPG.com slobbering over it. They picked it as Game of the Show, which I don't think anyone saw coming because most people weren't even aware it was a MMO...

It does look promising, but still sounds like the punchline to a bad joke:
Cryptic Studios + Perfect World International + Dungeons and Dragons + MMO + Reticle-based Action Combat + A Jew Holding A Duck + Walking Into A Bar

Relevant:
They said there will be PvP, but not at the ~2012 launch, more like shortly after in 2013.
They also mention that while the game is truly Free-to-Play, they aren't designing it for Pay-to-Win money transactions that directly affect said PvP.

And again, it's very easy to say your cash shop is a garden of rainbows and puppy noses, but this does not make it so.

One really interesting thing that this game has going for it that not even the almighty GW2 cannot boast is The Foundry. And while I've never in my life been a do-it-yourself, user-created content sandbox roleplayer, I think it would be really interesting if they could hand that same sort of content-creation capability to PvP'ers and told them "Here, make your battlegrounds. Design your own warzones."

[weekend heads up]

• Path of Exile is offering up beta access and other goodies here.

Wanna spend $10 on PoE? $1000? You can. No, you can actually spend a grand on the game already. But it does allow you to help design a unique item. Which is pretty sweet.

I'm not sure what I would want made, if it was my item to design. Maybe like a sword that was just a wolverine duct-taped to Frostmourne. Or like a big red hat that lets you see through girls clothes (lol).

Screw you, it's my $1000.

Interesting to note just what their cash shop will be selling:

As a test of our microtransaction system, we’re initially offering two small purchases:

• Extra Stash Tab (30 Points): Your quota of stash tabs is increased in all leagues. The number of stash tabs is not reset when we enter Open Beta.
• Extra Character Slot (30 Points)

At Open Beta, we will have a range of different microtransactions for sale, including many of the following:

• Public stash tabs (viewable to other players for trade purposes)
• Cosmetic pets
• Alternate skill effects
• Special animations (for example, taunts or PvP victory animations)
• Special paid leagues (with custom game rules)
• Guild storage
• Alternate item skins and visual effects
• Special cosmetic item properties such as “extra gore”
• Item dyes

• GW2 explained "squads" ...

and it's odd that they made the pre-req for becoming a 'commander' a "hefty gold cost", "a substantial sum of gold". If I was a cynical type, I'd be wary of manufactured moneysinks in a game that just happens to sell gold.

More on WvW in this interview.

Good question asked recently -- is there any Underdog buff in WvW?

I believe so, there's mention of "Outmanned", which supposedly gives you a third more XP, Karma, and 20% more rare loot find chance. We'll see if that's in there at launch.

• Also, TERA has another closed beta weekend going on, if you're interested.

Enjoy the time-killing.

[scary games] WoD details, TSW pre-order

PA Report recaps the WoD MMO
There's talk of permadeath and players becoming Princes that run entire cities.

I haven't really had any interest in this game, but I wouldn't mind being a Prince of something. Well, maybe not a Prince, that sounds kind of lame. And it doesn't have to be a big city, it could just be a small suburban town or something. The Duke of Beaverville.

~

Details of The Secret World's pre-order packages:
 (Available June 19th)

Pre-order benefits:
Basic Pre-order (~$50, comes with 30 days game time)

• guaranteed Beta weekends (starting May 11th)
• Early Access (up to 4 days of 'Headstart' play before Official launch. First come, first served.)
• Name Reservation (you can lock up a name now)
• a ring that boosts XP in earlier parts of the game
• a pre-order-exclusive in-game T-shirt with a unique monster design
• 1 of 3 pets that grants you a combat pet in earlier parts of the game

Optional 'Initiate Pack' ~$15

• flying Blood Raven pet
• complete set of high-end beginner weapons
• one each of 3 of the in-game faction design leather jackets

Optional 'Master Pack' ~$50

• another 30 days of game time
• another character slot (for a new total of 4?)
• another Name Reservation
• a complete set of high-end beginner Talismans
• 10 total XP boost potions
• -10% lifetime discount on any full-price cash shop vanity gear 

Optional 'Grandmaster Pack' ~$200

• Lifetime subscription
• exclusive ing-game snakeskin leather jacket
• and all the contents of the Master Pack

PvP Wonderlic Test

The Wonderlic test is basically an aptitude test for employees and such.
(Sample questions here)
It comes up in the news when college football players score really horribly on the test and everyone in the news points and laughs and says AHAHA, YOU GOT A FOUR?!

This got me to thinking about how hardcore gamerz would score on the Wonderlic.
(Answer: Badly.)
 And I thought "What would a PvPerlic Test look like?"


The Spiderlic Personnel Test ™
SPT ™ Sample Questions


1. There are 3 enemies nearby. Which should you attack first?

A) The unharmed enemy in heavy armor
B) The low-health enemy in cloth armor
C) The healer who has big ZZZs above his head


2. Assume the first two statements are true. Is the third statement:
A) True, (B) False, (C) lol idk?

The enemy base is defended by 12 players. You are alone. You should attack that base now.

3. Capturing a relic scores your team 25 points. Do you realize you have the relic? Seriously, cap it. Your entire body is glowing like the sun, you have to realize you have the relic. OMFG WTF CAP TEH RELIC 

A) Capture the Relic (B) False (C) lol wut?


 4. A hooded assassin suddenly appears behind you, stabbing you with daggers. What do you do?

A) Move (B) Stand completely still and hope he just goes away (C) sum1s does hit on me?


5. Generally, how should you be positioned with your team?

A) I should be 500 yards ahead of my teammates, because this makes more sense
B) I should be nearby my team to help them, unless otherwise notified
C) idk what team is, mabey blue colors??

6. You're playing a large, brightly-colored green monster that has very little self-defense and a mechanic that makes you progressively more vulnerable to damage. You usually kill very few, if any, enemies and you often die 42 times in a single war zone. What seems like the best recourse of action?

A) Continually running as fast as I can to my death
B) Perhaps consider trying a different approach
C) LOL

 Answers
1. C
2. C
3. C
4. C
5. C
6. C


NEXT WEEK: The Game Dev Wonderlic Test.

Hey

How's it going? How are you liking Path of Exile?

It's quite like a new, improved Titan Quest, isn't it? With a skill tree that is so dizzyingly deep it gives you a sort of giddy vertigo. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing with my Marauder, but I'm enjoying it. Just meandering around some odd path, picking up cookies off the ground.

I like big swords. So I went with the Big Sword skills. I'm sure you could put a ton of thought into it, but that's not really my strong point. I think I just aimlessly wandered to one branch when I noticed I was getting pushed around, so now I'm trying to be tougher. I liked the sound of 'Bloodless', so, fuck it. Begone, blood.

It's a pretty fun, compelling system. I'm hoping The Secret World feels like that, experimenting with weird creatures you bred in your basement, odd mutants spliced together from Ninja-Wizard-Cowboy genetic stock.


TERA pushed the release of battlegrounds to late summer.
This really is the Bad News MMO. I'm waiting to hear the story that playing it gives your family members eyeball cancer.
(Oddly enough, yeah, I did like the the combat system, and that lizard-demon race, and even the furry race, but holy shit this game is going to race to F2P mediocrity.)

SWTOR Legacy System details
Everything mentioned there sounds pretty awful. I'm sure it'll be received as a welcome form of 'horizontal progression' or whatever you want to call it, but it just seems like fairly weak, odd ideas finally being tacked on because they couldn't think of a better system.


I have no idea what the hell the point of Otherland is, but the ideas there sound ...like they're not all just rehashed horse shit. Too bad the characters walk around like horrible abominations of humanity, twisted mockeries of mankind meant to taunt and terrify us.


And, song of the day : Miley Cyrus - Party in the USA slowly floating backwards through space.
Originally spotted by David Rees, who said listening to the song was like sucking a purple-syrup sunset through a straw made out of beach-trip memories. Which is really good way to spend a some part of your day, right?

Naturally, there's also Rebecca Black 'Friday' reversed, which again is turning one of the most insultingly insipid, brain-melting ear-hemorrhoids into something that has this new, weirdly beautiful and profound texture to it.

Then again, I liked the Death Metal version of Friday, so what do I know.

Warhammer 40K RPG no longer MMO

It's dropping the first 'M', at least, as it will no longer be a massively multi-player game.


Reactions @ MMORPG.com

It's not quite shocking, the writing had been on the wall for a while with THQ bleeding money. But, it's kind of interesting to see so many people who seem relieved that a 'themepark' two-faction game is being aborted. Nevermind that the decision has everything to do with money and really nothing to do with ideas about factions or questing.

The question to me initially was if this WAR40K would still be worth a look as a game that may be Multi-Playerhammer but not really 'War'hammer.

And now, maybe a better question -- do people even want to play MMORPGs anymore?
Apparently, most players no longer seem to want to

• quest
• grind
• either: group or raid PVE and/or Instanced PvP and/or Open World PvP and/or play a game that doesn't have 1 of those things 
• tab target or have to press keys
• have zone restrictions or any sense of linearity
• have restrictions on factions or classes or crafting
• have to pay any more than the cost of a large sugar cookie and they don't really want other people paying either

 I don't know what kind of game that is... it's not really a MMORPG, it's like ... communist LARP paintball or something.

'Dark Millennium' definitely doesn't have a future as a MMORPG.
Do any other MMORPGs have a future in the new millennium?

[mid-week heads up]

There will be a public stress test this weekend for Path of Exile. I know a good many people looking forward to this game, so you can actually help them out and get a free peek at the same time. 2 birds, 1 weekend.


Wrath of Heroes is doing stuff:

• There is a new tutorial. I really wish it was more comprehensive. There are a lot of players who need some boning up on basic PvP dictums, like overextending and assisting and such-not. But it's just "Use WASD, Capture the Flag."
• The tutorial also unlocks a new hero, Lucian the Blade, who looks sort of like your typical human bandit. Very straightforward, damage-damage-damage dealer.

*Lucian uses dual swords

feel-good PvP

Not sure if this is funny or sad or what, but I noticed this the other day:

You will never see the name of the player you're facing off against. Blizzard wanted to minimize the "shame of defeat" that tends to be a barrier to entry in PvP -- nobody likes feeling bad when they lose. You will never know who you've lost to, and they can't trash talk you during or afterwards. While your statistics page will keep track of your number of wins, it will not track your losses.

via WoW Insider.

You could shrug that off and sneer about how WoW is just progressively becoming more and more of a hyper-casual game meant for toddlers and housewives, but it's not just Blizzard.

[random list]

Top Ten Creature-based Races That I'd Take More Seriously Than Pandaren At This Point

10. Flatwormen

9. Bearatauren

8. Nake Mole Kobold

7. Poodlen

6. Gingeren

5. Barktopusen

[TSW] Build Customiz-ability

 Dev blog on Character Development.

Points of Interest:

•  No, I will not make-out with you! Weird way to open the blog - a close-up your hairy viking mug leaning in for a lip-smacking. Get out of here, Sven, I like girls!

• Builds won't be restricted by your weapon. If you really want a blade ability that bleeds faces open and a finisher that uses a combo-finisher headshot, yes, you can.

I don't have weapon pics from TSW, so I'm just pretending

• However, you will want to use skills that take advantage of other skill's effects. If you want to use a hammer attack that does double damage to a knocked-down enemy, it's not a bad idea to use a fist attack that knocks a dude flat on his rumpus.

• Weapons will have skill points to be spent on either of the 2 roles for each weapon. The first role is always 'Damage Dealing'. 
• Some weapons offer additional Survivability -- Hammers (mitigation, health), Blades (defense rating), and Chaos Magic (evasion). 
• Some offer types of Healing -- Blood Magic (absorption bubbles) and Assault Rifles (lifedrains). 
• Some offer forms of Support -- Elementalism (turrets, CC), Shotguns (CC, mitigation boosts) and Pistols (pets, debuffs, cleansing).

• This skill point system sounds sort-of like traditional talent trees - putting skill points into weapons will unlock procs and bonuses, but the key here is that you can get max level in each branch of all weapon skills.

• Weapons will have requirements based on this weapon skill level -- you can't just buy that awesome 'Incendiary Rifle of Rupturing' and 'Twangy Sword of Fwhooshing' unless you've invested some points into using rifles and swords.

• Gear is meant to be flexible - there is no 'damage' value, weapons have inherent amounts of power that applies to both damage and healing, and you can modify and create really build-specific gear through crafting. 

~

TSW also recently put out this dev diary video on Free-Form Progression explaining a bit more on its classlessness and how you can essentially pick and choose your abilities from a weapons-and-magic-based Wheel O' Skills.

It's a bit much to wrap your head around when so many people are so used to games that easily lay out all your abilities for you and you don't really have to think - ever - about customizing how your character plays.
...

Salem heading to open beta

Sign up 

Info, Video, Art

Salem is set in a fantastical New England and offers free form massively multiplayer gameplay in a persistent, mutable and online world. With players taking the roles of intrepid colonists from the Old World seeking to make lives for themselves in the New, Salem provides them with unique crafting, farming and building systems inspired by 17th century alchemy.
Cast in a mold of cute-gothic Salem's lighthearted art style makes for the perfect contrast to the otherwise grim realities of open player-versus-player combat and permanent death. Experience Squonks, Hidebehinds, Witchcraft and the fullest freedom of a sandbox conceived in Liberty.

Features

• Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game.
• Persistent and mutable world.
• Crafting, farming and building.
• Open PvP combat with permadeath.
• Free to Play.

Mutable means the world is change-able, it doesn't mean the sound can be turned off. Although it probably can. That would be kind of creepy if this spooky-cute little colonial game was always coming through your speakers.

"Play meeeee, come and playyyyy with your witchhhhh, she could perma-dieeee and you'd be saddddd" 

[GW2] Cash Shop Items Leaked?

Yesterday, via GuildWars2Guru Forums

Yeah, old news, dead horse, but I have nothing else to mention today.

If that's to be believed, Guild Wars 2 may be selling:

• Gems (cash shop currency, can be sold in-game for gold)
• Character Slots
• Bag Upgrades
• Bank Tabs 
• Bank Portals
• Random Item Goodie Bags
• Karma Boosts ('Rep' currency traded for items)
• Rare Item Find Boosts
• Experience Boosts
• Crafting Boosts
• Lockbox Keys
• PvE Resurrection Potions
• Gear Salvage Kits (better % for item upgrades, crafting mats)
• Armor Repair Kits
• Megaphones
• Costume Pieces
• Wardrobe Transmutation Charges
• Armor Dyes
• Dye Plant Miracle-Gro
• Mini Vanity Pets

So, they're not selling power, just gold, XP and six different ways to stockpile items.

*Edit - also, there's supposedly paid Server Transfers, and possible plastic surgery-type services.

Among other things. No mention (yet) of Guild Influence or Glory (PvP) Boosts or directly selling any Gear Upgrades like Armor Runes, Weapon Sigils.

I won't go on and comment about any of these things specifically or speculate about if it's Pay-to-Win or Super-Awesome-Funtimes, but I will say that... I feel like I've been down this road before.

The Great Abortion-by-Cash-Shop that was Allods Online

 *Edit -
I have to say, I'm always particularly impressed by the selling of 'Magical Keys'. There's nothing like getting a neat little box of mystery in a game and realizing that its lock opens if you slide your credit card through it. Really not my cup of tea, when a game so blatantly lockteases you like that.

weekend heads-up

The 4th beta test for TERA opens tomorrow, several sites still giving away keys if you want one.

If you're interested, you might want to start downloading the game ahead of time. I'm patching it now and it appears it will take about another 86 hours to complete.

There's also another SWTOR Free Weekend Pass starting tonight. Again, if you're interested, start DL'ing that crap now because it's going to take its sweet ass time.

Also, apparently Wrath of Heroes opened their servers again Wednesday and started making shit official - no more wipes, the cash shop's open, and you're playing for keeps now, homeboy.

I will probably give it a whirl later in the day, but ...honestly, the last couple tests were hysterical disasters and I'm not really excited about trying a build centered around 3 different heroes. But hey, they made UI changes and added purchasable "chests and boosts". Maybe they're amazing, and I'm just being jaded.

Enjoy the weekend, whatever you're playing. If I don't speak to you again before then, I just want to let you know that I've always loved you.

Excelsior!

[GW2] the silver lining, and why it kind of sucks

Here's the positive way to look at GW2's microtransaction system.


You can buy character slots without spending actual money?

Yes! That's how it looks -- you can buy gems for gold in-game and then spend the gems in the shop for things like character slots, maybe storage space, whatever they're selling.

But, naturally, there will be a trade-off. A single character slot is most likely valued around ~$10. ArenaNet is not going to let those go for spare coppers you earned in a single hour. A slot is more likely a very big ticket item that you'd have to save up for over the course of weeks, probably.


So what, at least I'm not spending real money!

Yeah, but you're probably not spending a lot of fake money either. People looking to save up for character slots and other cash shop goods and services are going to be holding off on buying things in-game - pricey gear, food, crafting materials. Which generally makes a game less fun to play, no?

Now, you talk about fairness and balance in a game, let's look at a disparity here:

Player A: doesn't have money to buy a bunch of slots or space or time-saving convenience items from the shop, so he's saving away all his gold and going out of his way to not spend gold in-game. The player doesn't see gold as a reward to be spent on in-game goods and upgrades, it's a hill to climb because he's broke.

Player B: has lots of real money to spend, therefore no need to worry about gold - he's buying and selling gems, making large sums of gold at a much faster rate then players who are just getting small handfuls of it at a time. He's going to help dictate and control the market - setting prices to suit his level of wealth and spending as he pleases.

One of these players is going to be having a much better experience in the game. He's not going to want for many things. He's going to have much less stressful experience.

 It's not quite as serious and ohmylord-drama as some are making it out to be -- it's not a real class war, folks! But you're making a chasm between the haves and the have-nots. Maybe it's not a huge gulf of a power imbalance, but, maybe more importantly, one type of player is enjoying the game less and one is enjoying it more.

 It's a different game for players who spend above and beyond a subscription price. That's how cash shops work -- you can play for free, but you have to adopt a "just happy to be here" mentality. You have to be OK with the fact that it's a better, funner game if you spend more.

And a lot of people are happy with that. But also keep in mind that the model for this gem-trading system has roots in a game that was shocked to learn players don't like being ripped off.

And, you look at the biggest issues players have had with microtransactions ($25 Sparkle Ponies and $60 Eyeball Decorations), they're not even quality-of-life items, they were purely cosmetic. That's why this has the potential to be even more upsetting.

[GW2] selling power

ArenaNet dev blog on MICROTRANSACTIONS in Guild Wars 2

The moneyshot here:

Here’s our philosophy on microtransactions: We think players should have the opportunity to spend money on items that provide visual distinction and offer more ways to express themselves. They should also be able to spend money on account services and on time-saving convenience items. But it’s never OK for players to buy a game and not be able to enjoy what they paid for without additional purchases, and it’s never OK for players who spend money to have an unfair advantage over players who spend time.

This is a very slippery, tricky, dangerous slope. It's already been talked to death in regards to other "Free2Play" games, especially with Diablo III, so I'll try not to drone on.

My issue is this, if you're allowing gold to be traded in-game for real money

(and you are)

 We have a new player-driven market that allows players to trade gold for gems and gems for gold.

aren't you essentially selling power? If gold is a form of power, you're selling power. Isn't it easier (like, an advantage) for people with a lot of money to just buy Cash Shop gold bundlets so that they can buy up the best available gear and grub at the Trading Post?


So, if you really want a set of Hunter gear, weapons and numnums that really maximize your Beastmastery build - you can slowly work towards earning those things in-game. OR you could be a dude with way too much disposable income spending his way through the game without having to spend a wasted second doing any of the time-killing shit.
And that's not an unfair advantage.

It might not even be an unfair advantage if GW2 does wind up selling both gold and "time-saving convenience items" that are essentially buying PvP currency (Chalices of Glory) and Guild buffs (Tomes of Influence).
Right?

Because the key point here is what constitutes an 'unfair advantage', and 'fairness' is defined by the company building the cash shop.

Well, this is disturbing

Female Pandaren.

Source: WOWHEAD - Mists of Pandaria Press Event coverage


I wish all the best for WoW. I hope it lives on in some form for another 50 years. I hope that players will log in to their BattleNet Cerebro-chips in the year 2062, immediately teamed with a group of random Brazilian toddlers and Asian man-bots so they can aimlessly plow through a 2 minute dungeon that requires they identify a color and press a key which awards them the newest 16 foot tall shoulder-towers that identify them as having progressed something. The shoulder-towers will be huge glowing hamster wheels powered by magical sparkling puppies, sold separately.

a series of tubes

YouTube is more than just kittens, singing she-ogres and bad dubstep remixes. I'm just re-watching some stuff I'll share here, because this is my blog and that seems like a thing to do.

I'm still more intrigued by Path of Exile than DIII:



I've been playing some really, really shitty betas this week. I am looking forward to what looks like a very polished "L.A.W. - Life After War".

"Pamper yourself by clicking on NPC Quest"

What?

I'm kind of interested in seeing some of their ideas about mixing RTS + PvP and they have a kind-of cool post-apoc backstory:



Dominus showing off some early footage of a controllable Mech getting into the action:



HA! Take that, Guild Wars 2!

Oh, yeah.

Well, Dominus has jet packs. So, it does have that going for them.

Game of the Year 2012

A lot of people are busy talking about Guild Wars 2 and Diablo III.

Let's not write off Dino Storm, guys.

betaz and such

Massively is giving away some keys to Tera's 4th beta test, which appears to be next weekend. More available @ MMORPG.com as well.

There's also a C&C browser-based strat game you can check out.
It's "free to play", so I'm just going to sneer and spit on the ground now. Ptoof!

They also mention that this game looks pretty fucking hardcore and is giving away some keys as well.

"explosive PvP battles"
"Team Based Arena ,
Combat Monster Takeover Mode, or
Tactical Large Scale Guild Warfare"

I was pretty hyped up for some intense, serious business bloodsport Pee Vee Pee, but I don't like that Pando Media Booster business when downloading these games.

*Edit: I just downloaded it directly from theri site and now I have a little Warrior fellow and a drag queen raccoon wizard but I have no idea how to PvP. It's pretty bad and confusing.

Speaking of bad and confusing: Webzen has a FREE CBT OPEN for Archlord X: The Chronicles, which looks like it brings absolutely nothing to the table except the unintentional comedy of making 1 of their 6 classes a "Human Wind Breaker."

And, if you hadn't heard: 
Diablo III launches May 15th
Aion goes F2P = April 11th Ptoof!

Minimum System Requirements

The recommended specs for reading this blog:

• This -

[NHL] Farewell, Brave Warrior

I just want to take a brief moment to remember the career of New York Rangers Superstar Sean Avery.

Goodbye, you obnoxious, little, shit-talking bastard.

Sean Avery, Master Tactician

You continued a rich history of undersized, loudmouthed, unstable, loathsome asshole Rangers that disrespectfully taunted chubby goaltenders.

The immortal Theoren Fleury

Someone will need to pick up the torch and run with it. Personally, I'm hoping Mats Zuccarello completely snaps, turns into a Dark Hobbit, and dry-humps Martin Brodeur's mask during a playoff game.

Hobbit, potential Legendary Hero

[GW2] Pre Pre-Purchase / Pre-Order / Pre-view

A guildie summed it up succinctly: Shit is getting real.

Indeed. We know you'll be able to give ArenaNet your money starting April 10th.
And we've got a little more info here from Regina Buenaobra and GuildWars2Guru.

What to make it of so far:

Massively quoted the pricing @ $59.99 for the Standard Edition, $79.99 for the Digital Deluxe Edition and $149.99 for the Collector's Edition.
*Please note that there is a difference between Pre-Ordering and Pre-Purchasing the game. A Pre-Order of the game from retailers guarantees you a copy at launch and 1 (one) day of Headstart access. Buying the game via Pre-Purchase gets you 3 (three) days of Headstart, access to all the Beta Weekend Events and a Hero's Band which gives you +2 to several stats.

And you can check out the chart again at the official site to compare the offers.
 Standard Edition (SE) gets you a copy of the game. (Yay!)

Deluxe Edition (DE) gets you a copy of the game and:

• Summon Mistfire Wolf Elite Skill - You can only slot one Elite at a time, and supposedly you start using them around level 25-30. It isn't stated when this skill can be used. It's assumed that this will be a neat-looking ability but shouldn't be very powerful or game-changing.
• Rytlock Miniature - A non-combat pet based on a bad-ass charr character. I don't know how this makes sense or why you'd want a Mini Rytlock following you around sniffing your buttocks.
• Golem Banker - summons a servant who grants you access to your Account Storage. Alas, he only lasts five (5) days. 
• Chalice of Glory - a single-use item that allows you to "earn some extra Glory". So, some bonus PvP currency.
• Tome of Influence - a one-time use "boost of Influence". So, some bonus Guild Upgrade currency.

It's not really explained how the Chalice and Tome work - it sounds like you just click and *sploof* insta-Glory, insta-Influence. But, the way it's worded makes me think it might just be a buff that grants an additional % of Glory and Influence.

Again, 2 of the items are single use, 1 is limited 5-day use, 1 is a gimmicky novelty pet, and 1 is likely an inferior skill you probably won't use that much. Absolutely nothing for people to get up in arms about not having, but still dorkily appealing enough to sweeten the pot for overexcitable nerds like me.

There's also the really scary thought that some (maybe all?) these items will end up in the cash shop. It goes against what ArenaNet has been saying, so I wouldn't expect to see them start selling Glory potions for $5. Although, that is where the industry is moving.

Note that, unlike some other games, buying the DE scores you all the cool in-game stuff that the CE offers, so you won't feel like you're getting pinched in that regard.

Collector's Edition (CE) gets you all the goodies of the DE as well as:

• a 10" Rytlock statue
•  "Making of Guild Wars 2" book
• Art Portfolio and five (5) art prints
• a snazzy art frame
•  "Best of" Guild Wars 2 soundtrack CD

The art prints and especially the CD of Jeremy Soule should be really beautiful, and the Rytlock looks like a sexily hulking beast:

 Also note:

When do Beta Weekend Events (BWEs) start, and how many will there be?
The first BWE is currently planned for late April, and we expect to have one every month or so. The schedule is subject to change and will be confirmed at a later date. Currently, we do not know how many of these events we will have.

The (subject-to-change) Minimum System requirements aren't too intimidating at all:

• Windows® XP Service Pack 2 or better
• Intel® Core™ 2 Duo 2.0 GHz, Core i3, AMD Athlon™ 64 X2 or better
• NVIDIA® GeForce® 7800, ATI Radeon™ X1800, Intel HD 3000 or better (256MB of video RAM and shader model 3.0 or better)
• 25 GB available HDD space
• Broadband Internet connection
• Keyboard and mouse

Does GW2 need healers and tanks?

I know what you're saying. "There are no healers or tanks in Guild Wars 2."

That's what the in-the-know kids are saying, eh? Folks are scorning the idea of tanking and healing because everyone's supposed to be rolling away from damage constantly like chimpanzees on crack.

ArenaNet has "softened" the trinity because each player, with each class, is supposed to cover his own ass.

Problem is, covering your ass entails using your heal skill, dodging and generally getting the fuck out of harm's way. You "yo-yo" in and out and juggle aggro, and if you're downed, you can still rally, right?

And that probably works OK in PvE and small-scale 'Structured' PvP.
I don't know how it works well in large-scale WvW.

Your warband can't just monkey-roll and kite away a force of 20, 40, 60+ players that are flanking you at a keep door, it probably doesn't work that way. I mean, I'd love to see guys try that in a chokepoint, when they're bottlenecked on a bridge or something...

Generally speaking, larger groups are going to want (probably need) to have varied and specialized roles in WvW.  You're looking at potentially 100v100v100 fights, right? Think about trying to burn down a keep door - you could have a couple dozen guys at your back, raining down hell on you and another couple dozen guys in front of you catapulting cows onto your heads.

Maybe there aren't true "tanks" and "healers" in the rest of the game, but organized WvW warbands are going to need some rough approximations of tanks and healers pushing forward as their frontlines, and the opposing side will need tanks and healers up front, pushing back.

Am I wrong? Or are there going to brilliantly co-ordinated 3-sided Monkey-Roll Dance-Offs at keep doors?

Roll War III

Anyways.

I know you're not supposed to be able to tank or heal, but, I might try to do both.

I color code things because words are boring:

~ Weapon Switch (8s)
1 Auto-Attack combos
2 AOE regen (6s) / blind
3 AOE Protection +regens (15s) / AOE + sprint + regens (15s) [both create fields that cause attacks to cleanse allies nearby]
4 Shield: AOE Protection (30s) / impassable line in the ground (45s)
5 Shield: AOE knockback + projectile block dome (40s) / cleanses allies and buffs your balls off [50s]
6 AOE heal (30s)
7 Reset Cooldowns on F1-F3 abilities (90s) (or, +healing buff that can Rez an ally)
8 AOE Protection and regen, cleanses (45s)
9 AOE regen (45s) cleansing bow w/ AOE heal (60s)
0 Switch Weapon Skills to Tome of Courage support spells (180s CD)

F1 adds fire damage to allies next attack (20s / 0s)
F2 allies block next attack (60s / 0s)
F3 AOE regen and cleanse (40s / 0s)


Will builds like that be viable in WvW? I don't know. They might wind up being the only viable builds in certain situations. We'll see. Hopefully that's part of the fun of the game.  

In the meantime, I'll be having fun speculating and building Ranger Priests in my head, just because everyone else keeps saying that I cannot.

[TV] I would have gone the other way

How I would've written last night's episode of The Walking Dead:

They do not talk about whether or not they should kill Annoying Dipshit Character #26 for FIFTY MINUTES.

They would talk about it for, let's say ... 1 minute.

"WE CAN'T DO THIS WE NEED CIVILITY TO SURVIVE OTHERWISE WE'RE JUST ANIMALS FOR GOD'S SAKE WE ALL READ LORD OF THE FLIES IN SIXTH GRADE"
"NO MAN WE NEED TO CONSERVE OUR SUPPLY OF TWINKIES AND SQUIRREL MEAT"

END SCENE - LET'S MOVE ON

Then the show would be fifty minutes of zombies tearing apart Dale AKA the overbearingly boring guy nobody really gives a shit about, and also, one of the zombies is Christina Hendricks and the dead cow is actually every other cast member and interesting things would happen.

[GW2] What's My Trait Line?

This is almost ridiculously pointless since I'm going off incomplete, second-hand information about something in a beta that will likely change 100 times before launch, but, hey - ridiculously pointless is my specialty.

And speaking of specialties, this posting will be a brief rundown of which trait lines in GW2 fit with certain playstyles and preferences you may or may not have.
(You can peruse the listed traits directly from the source wiki and play with different builds here.)

Note that each trait line offers you up to 3 (max) of the automatic minor traits and you can only choose up to 3 (max) of the major traits when customizing your character.
And I'm not explaining it anymore because I already did that here.



ELEMENTALIST                                        

Air Magic
Attribute Increases: Precision (Increases crit chance) and Prowess (Increases crit damage)
Target Audience: Swift movers and shakers that like shockingly strong lightning and wind spells
Weapon Preferences: Air Weapon Skills recharge faster
Other: Aeromancers can stun, blind and knock around foes. They deal more damage to vulnerable and low-health foes. Their Glyph utility spells can recharge faster and grant a boon

Arcane Power
Attribute Increases: Intelligence (Lowers Attunement recharge) and Concentration (Boons you cast last longer)
Target Audience: Active casters that like to have a wide variety of spells to play with
Weapon Preferences: Staff area attacks are broader, Daggers grant added movement speed, Scepters allow you to dodge more
Other: Arcanists are meant to be very versatile mages that can continually cast a whole spellbook at you. Their Arcane utility spells deal an additional condition based on which element they're attuned to. Not much survivability, but an Arcanist can trait for dodge-and-kite fights

Earth Magic
Attribute Increases: Toughness (Improves armor) and Malice (Increases condition damage)
Target Audience: Debuffer casters that want some stony survivability
Weapon Preferences: Earth Weapon Skills recharge faster
Other: Geomancers are rugged, gritty casters with traits to add wallop to their dirty, crippling attacks. They also can keep the benefits of, and quickly recharge, spent Signet utility spells

Fire Magic
Attribute Increases: Attack Power and Expertise (Increases condition durations)
Target Audience: Pyromaniacs that want to see the world burn
Weapon Preferences: Fire Weapon Skills recharge faster, Conjured Weapons deal more damage and have more charges
Other: Pyromancers burn things and deal more damage to burning things, and then burn things even more. They can be solid team-players, creating magical weapons and fiery combo-fields

Water Magic
Attribute Increases: Vitality (Increases health) and Compassion (Increases healing)
Target Audience: Helpful, hard-to-kill healers / Support casters
Weapon Preferences: Water Weapon Skills recharge faster
Other: Hydromancers make the most of Mist Form and Cantrip utility spells, becoming both slippier and sturdier. These Aquamancers regenerate health more quickly and can buff/cleanse/heal allies.


<MORE AFTER THIS>

[GW2] It's Magic!

The Yogscast Elementalist preview vid is must-watch -- those guys are adorable (WOWww!) and it does a superb job showing off the endless litany of Elementalist abilities. The ability animations do really look fantastically amazingly fabulous.

I was never really that big into Mages -- I get it, you wear a dress and cast Fireball and Lightning Bolt, you're basically the same in every game ever, maybe you get really wild and run around with a pet puddle or a sad, little baby Rock-Man.

But, looking at that video, those are some really bad-ass spells. And it's not just the beautiful spell animations -- the spells genuinely look fun to use -- they have fun applications. You can scoot back and forth leaving trails of blazing fire like the Ghost Rider. You can zoom forward on gusts of wind and make the earth burp rings of fire and ice.

You still get all your classic spells like Chain Lightning and Rain of Fire, but the class also gives you new toys - things like boomerang-ing aqua-swords and crackling electro-whips. Earth Spells can allow you to play like Magneto, flying through the air towards your target while a shield of pure force deflects attacks sent your way.


There looks to be a huge bag of tricks to play with, with 100 different ways to play this class.

Pretty Little Trait Machine

ArenaNet Petersblog on new secondary attributes and traits

Recap:

• 5 new attribute stats and 8 new class-specific ones
• The new attributes are only gained by investing points into trait lines and equipping gear
• You get a trait point every level from 11 to 80
• Trait points can be spent across 5 different trait lines, which are kind of like talent trees
• Each point put into a line improves 2 attributes assigned to that line, and spending 5/15/25 and 10/25/30 points unlocks minor/major slots for traits (talents)

You can put 30 max points into each trait line, so, I'm assuming at 80 you could max out 2 trees and have another 10 points to spare.

I like it in that it adds some defined variety and flavor to classes. For instance: my favorite class is usually some form of Beastmaster, because (A) I wuv animals, I like the idea of having a trusty companion who can rip your f'ing face off in the blink of an eye, and, (B) I'm pretty shitty at video games and you can usually play a pet class with your eyes closed.

Now, with this Beastmastery trait line, the Ranger will be putting points into a new-fangled Empathy stat to strengthen his pet while unlocking traits that augment a pet-centric style of play.

Sounds good and gooder. Like the blog says, "Play Your Way".

Some guys hate pet classes, but like playing sharpshooting Archers. Fair enough, don't put your points into Beastmastery, put them into Marksmanship. And so on. Now each class is even more varied and customizable. And, yes, using talent trees called 'Beastmastery' and 'Marksmanship' sounds super creative and original.

There are, naturally, gripes to grope at --

You have to visit a trainer to re-spec traits, so players won't be as optimal when switching roles on the fly (something that was proudly bragged about when ArenaNet talked about killing the Holy Trinity roles of tank and healer). They've essentially traded a bit of versatility for more variety and customization -- not the worst trade-off in the world, I think. But everyone thinks different things.

If anything, I was more bothered by the need to hit level 40 and 60 to progress past the caps of 10 and 20 points per trait line. Let's say you're a Fire Mage and you're mad about fire spells... do you want to hit invisible walls and not be able to trait more into Fire Magic? Probably not.

It also might be an issue if gear gets in the way of 'Play Your Way'. Are items going to be itemized and itemified well enough that I could compete with a balls-out, crit-crazy Skirmisher Ranger if the #'s on my gear just don't add up for me as a B.M. Ranger?

Also, the attributes are tied to specific trait lines, and thus trait lines are tied to specific attributes. Like stated above, a Beastmaster Ranger will be increasing his Empathy stat, which makes more than enough sense. But it also improves his Compassion, the stat that boosts your healing powers. This makes sense, balance-wise, but what if you want Beastmastery and don't give a shit about healing? And so on. I'm sure there are players that would associate "Death Magic" with, you know, making shit die. But, with Necromancers, Death Magic actually increases his armor and prolongs the few friendly neighborhood boon spells he knows.

bust out the jams

 was trying to write something mmo-related that was positive, but I'm on an... extended break from SWTOR and the betas I've been playing either

• disappoint me, deeply
• do not allow me to talk about them

so, here's a happy little ditty I found and I hope you enjoy it

Someone Explain This

Listen, I want Guild Wars 2 to be this amazingly glorious communal holy experience -- a new and ever more orgasmic way to touch the face of God.

But here's the thing -- every big MMO like this that I've played in the last 5 or so years has not been able to come through with real large-scale battles. SWTOR... Rift... Aion... Warhammer ...Age of Conan... all promised us some variation of epic PvP. Ice Planets, Dynamic Events, Floating Fortresses, City Sieges... they all sound cute on paper, but none of them really worked well. At all.

So, why is GW2 supposed to be magically different? How is a game with those graphics supposed to really support the 500 players they're saying can all fight in one area?

Watching this, there's bad lag spikes ...with about 15 people attacking a keep with 3 players in it. So, how the fuck does a siege with 500 dudes, all shooting fire spouts and purple butterflies and angry pet bears out their asses at the same time, how is that game not going to crash servers straight to hell?

Seriously, someone please explain it to me.

And...

How is it such great fun when it's designed so that the only way to find real open world PvP is with separate side-maps that:
(A) will queue/lock you out when the pop hits a certain #
(B) are full of more experienced, skilled-up, geared, higher level players that you cannot compete with until you're a more experienced, skilled-up, geared, higher level player
?


*EDIT:

I sat down and really watched some more of the WvW gameplay videos, and --

Can we just pronounce it "Dub-Vee-Dub" or "Dub-V" or something, please

and also

Holy shit, it's Warhammer 2. It's bigger and slicker-looking and it does have a 3rd 'faction', but it's a re-skinned Warhammer!

Zerg down a door for a half hour, then zerg down a PVE Lord, then do it again somewhere else.

Looks totally revolutionary. I especially liked the contribution roll after keep takes, that feels like inspired design.

Anyways, yes, I am still excited, and yes, I can't wait to dive headfirst into PvP.


And, yes, by "PvP" I mean have epic fights with metal gates, gimped NPCs and zergs of players potentially 70+ levels higher than me.

Thanks for reading. Have a nice day.

A Frightening Dream

GW2 Notable Notes

Once we hit a population cap on a WvW map, we will have to let players either queue up to get into that map once space allows or select another map to fight in.

Prime Time WvW at Launch
~ A One Act Play ~

Dramatis Personae:
You
The Server

You: /Port to Western Front

The Server: "YOU ARE 142 IN LINE ESTIMATED WAIT TIME: GO FUCK YOURSELF"

You: "Come on, my guild's in there!"

The Server: "GO AWAY!"

You: "You're a jerk, server." /Port to Eastern Front

The Server: "YOU ARE 86 IN LINE ESTIMATED WAIT TIME: LOL SUCK IT BITCH"

You: /Port to Southern Front

The Server: "YOU ARE 25 IN LINE ESTIMATED WAIT TIME: YOUR MOM"

You: /Port to Central Front

The Server: "'k"

You: "Sweet. Wait, there's no one here doing anything."

The Server: "HA HA. GO FARM SOME CENTAURS, ASSHOLE."

Fear grips the mind, death waits ahead, pain lurks behind

None of this is Real!

Continuing with my love for things un-real, let's re-imagine one of the great imaginings of our lifetime.
My love life.
No, just kidding, I'm going to be talking about Star Wars again.

You may have seen the Samurai Boba Fett...

But did you know the guy responsible  also did Samur-ized versions of Vader, Yoda and even a few Stormtroopers? Now you do.

Did you know another fellow created an entire cast of custom action figures for his version of a 'Samurai Wars'? And Western Wars, World War Wars? And MORE?


Just... throw money at these people. Please. Bags of it.


And, if you follow me along after the gap here, I'll post some pictures combining Star Wars with something that actually manages to make Star Wars even nerdier:
Star Trek.
AND MORE. 

None of this is Real

The actual real world, and the entire history of that world, is often very shitty, insane and/or fucking boring. This is why I love fiction, why I seek out fantasy worlds and re-imagined histories.

This is why part of me wants to believe that perhaps Abraham Lincoln was actually a Vampire Slayer from The Matrix who does slow motion axe-karate to Johnny Cash techno remixes.



WHY?

Because America.

Because Thomas Jefferson punching a fucking gorilla and George Washington fighting a tiger. Because JFK hunting aliens, Washington killing zombies and FDR walking all over Giant Robots.

Because fuck history.

Think about it - the Daniel Day-Lewis movie about Lincoln will be amazing, but let's be honest here. That is a batshit-crazy depressing story: the horrors of slavery, war, a squat, homely wife with a serious head injury, getting shot in the fucking skull.

 My life is already black and horrible enough as it is -- and reality is just too real.

I think 'LauraTickled" probably sums up it best.

Wow.  It's just so good to know people out there share my deepest thoughts and appreciation for fine fiction.

Yes. Yes, I will go see a movie about Abraham Lincoln knife-fighting Dracula.

And, yes, I'll watch a movie with UFOS, Space Nazis, President Sarah Palin, and a Dude Who Isn't Will Smith Saying Stupid Shit That Will Smith Would Say If This Was Really Will Smith.



I think ReplyGirl's boobs say it best.

It looks like really, really, realllly cool... Joo York is getting inbaded ... I mean, what can we do? 

I agree with everything your breasts were saying, lady. God bless America.

< BETAS >

In case you hadn't heard - Guild Wars 2 has a brief window open to apply for its beta.

Of course, I cannot for the life of me get the Scannertron 5000 to send my info, so I can't even apply.
There is no justice in this world.


World of Warplanes is looking for some Alpha testers.

Also, if you were on their mailing list, you should've received news of today's stress test for Dominus.
(Announcement)

Also, while I'm on the subject, I gave some keys to friends for Tribes: Ascend. If you're playing, please have mercy on my Soul, I am getting old and clumsy and sad.

And I think Wrath of Heroes is opening up testing again today (maybe), but with a smaller pool comprised of the lesser-played Heroes. Sounds super-exciting.

Have a nice day.