FUCK YEAH
FUCK YOU, MELEE CLASSES
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
2 new Heroes, WOH Beta Schedule
Link
Beta Sched
Thursday, October 27 – 4pm-8pm EDT (8pm-12am UTC)
Friday, October 28 – 10am-10pm EDT (2pm-2am UTC)
Saturday, October 29 – 12pm-6pm EDT (4pm-10pm UTC)
Note: the Shaman and Bright Wizard will be both benched to see how 2 new characters perform.
This will be the second class with Stealth (the Skaven can also vanish, but he is a mid-ranged attacker and his invisibility is better served as a life-saving escape ability). This also marks the second Dark Elf melee Hero (the Witch Elf does not have stealth and depends on her raw speed and agility, and also she has boobs).
This is the second healer that testers have been asking for -- and it appears it could be another area-effect attack-to-heal Hero, although he may have to get his nose dirty in melee.
For what it's worth, I asked Carrie to unveil the Troll this week so we can see him in all his burpy, farty, pukey glory; but my call went unheeded.
Beta Sched
Thursday, October 27 – 4pm-8pm EDT (8pm-12am UTC)
Friday, October 28 – 10am-10pm EDT (2pm-2am UTC)
Saturday, October 29 – 12pm-6pm EDT (4pm-10pm UTC)
Note: the Shaman and Bright Wizard will be both benched to see how 2 new characters perform.
Zathis is a Dark Elf Assassin who hides in the shadows ready to jump on his victims and claim the kill.
This will be the second class with Stealth (the Skaven can also vanish, but he is a mid-ranged attacker and his invisibility is better served as a life-saving escape ability). This also marks the second Dark Elf melee Hero (the Witch Elf does not have stealth and depends on her raw speed and agility, and also she has boobs).
Conrad is a Warrior Priest eager to go into the heart of the fight, bringing pain to his enemies and support to his comrades-in-arms.
This is the second healer that testers have been asking for -- and it appears it could be another area-effect attack-to-heal Hero, although he may have to get his nose dirty in melee.
For what it's worth, I asked Carrie to unveil the Troll this week so we can see him in all his burpy, farty, pukey glory; but my call went unheeded.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Little Things
This is what happens when you base an expansion around playable Panda People.
"No, seriously, guys. Our morbidly obese, karate-fighting cartoon teddy bear people are pretty gnarly."
I'm picturing the guys making TOR and GW2 maniacally cackling and high-fiving each other after hearing about 'Mists of Panda Land'. The really amazing thing is how BioWare and ArenaNet dodged a huge bullet here and how much of a failed opportunity this was for Blizzard.
Just one little tiny optical change, just one tweak like changing 'Kung Fu Pandas' to 'Dragon Men', or 'Tiger Warriors', and it's a totally different ballgame. It's ridiculous - but that one little aesthetic decision could change the MMO landscape for years. Pandas just violently altered MMO history.
"No, seriously, guys. Our morbidly obese, karate-fighting cartoon teddy bear people are pretty gnarly."
I'm picturing the guys making TOR and GW2 maniacally cackling and high-fiving each other after hearing about 'Mists of Panda Land'. The really amazing thing is how BioWare and ArenaNet dodged a huge bullet here and how much of a failed opportunity this was for Blizzard.
Just one little tiny optical change, just one tweak like changing 'Kung Fu Pandas' to 'Dragon Men', or 'Tiger Warriors', and it's a totally different ballgame. It's ridiculous - but that one little aesthetic decision could change the MMO landscape for years. Pandas just violently altered MMO history.
Wrath of Heroes Beta -tacular
Mythic has officially lifted the veil of confidentiality from their WOH beta testers, so now we have a chance to offer more fleshed-out impressions of their threeway free-to-play arena game.
The big news was that we can freely post videos now! (Translation: help hype the game for free.) Although, you know, there were videos already on YouTube ... here's one I noticed that had me (Soul) playing the Shadow Warrior - totally dropping motherfluffers.
I don't record videos, but I can geekily preview the game for you.
WHAT IS WOH?
A lot of people are talking about the game as a 'MOBA' (Massively Online Battle Arena), which is technically true but the game plays nothing like League of Legends or other games that involve fighting magic towers and slaying waves of mindless tribbles.
It is a lobby game with instanced PvP -- if you liked to queue up for battlegrounds and scenarios in other games, that's all this game is. I'm sure some people may find that notion repellent, but I think it's a beautiful thing.
COMBAT
Standard MMO controls. WASD movement, 1-5 hotkeys, click & tab targeting. It's much like Warhammer Online, but with even more up-tempo, fun, fast-paced fighting. There are no energy bars to eyeball, rage meters to manage or magic globes to fill up as you fight.
I found it all felt very fluid and visceral. The Shadow Warrior is a sharpshooter that excels at continually firing an endless supply of arrows while wheeling away from oncoming enemies, the Goblin Shaman is an adorably diabolical little group-healing fiend, the Orc is a berserk monster that sprints around like an ax-wielding Hulk on crack.
All players have a standard health pool (around ~1000 hit points, give or take a crit) and the time-to-kill isn't too short nor too long. Also, respawn times were usually very quick, allowing everyone to get back into the fight and killing stuff.
It's also a really great feature that you can switch Heroes mid-game when you respawn. Does your team need more healing? Great, pick your favorite and play him. Does the other team have a bloodcrazed Slayer with a hard-on for your Sorceress? Hop on an Archer and shoot his throat out.
There's been a decent balance amongst the different characters so far, although some of them are obviously more niche support classes that contribute in ways other just raw DPS. Several still need work, but there aren't UberHeroes that walk around 2-shotting people, begging to be nerfed.
The other big tweak was the fact that the fights all involve three (3) teams. This really adds a tactical element that 2-sided fights can't provide, and it is put to effect really well the way the maps are laid out and the scores are tallied. More often than not the games were very close and very dynamic.
The 3-way fighting forces you to keep your head on a swivel, you have to be constantly aware of your teammates, your surroundings, the score, the position and make-up of both teams, etc. Players with that sort of keen situational awareness and adaptability are rewarded with victory, morons who run between 2 groups of angry gun-toting, fire-throwing bad guys are going to die and lose.
THE MAPS
There's only been 2 maps in play so far (although I've seen a different graveyard-looking map in one of EA's teaser videos). I don't have any major gripes about either, although I thought the Arena could have a twist added to it to seem more purposeful.
If that sounds a bit thin, there is a definite strategy to it -- running between two other groups and allowing them to quickly pincer you to death is something you have to avoid at all costs. Thus you do have an important objective - pay attention to what both the other groups are doing at all times. And kill them.
There is a raised platform in the center of the map and some other objects meant for teams to tactically break line-of-sight: roots twisting into the air, pillars, rotting daemon skulls, statues conveniently placed in corners.
More could be done with this map (there are really brief buffs awarded by picking up randomly-spawned power-ups, something that could be expanded upon) but the core concept is fun: be as deadly as possible without allowing your asses to be flanked by both teams.
Ranged characters had an advantage here using the open spaces to rain hell on their enemies, but a strong melee train group here could excel.
This instance revolves around raising your team's colors at one of the 3 flag locations which then allows you to claim the artifact within the Temple. The artifact grants you a steady stream of points and you also gain points for kills based on each flag you have up.
It's interesting to see the different ways this is played already. I've been in groups with guys demanding that we immediately cap 2 flags before doing anything else. I swear by capping 1 flag and rushing the artifact as soon as humanly possible. Some guys want to run off on their own and capture all the flags by himself, like some brain-damaged Rambo.
It's your call on how you want to play it, the good thing is that the games are usually very tight, tactical and filled with fighting. My beef with flag-capturing games is the awful downtime where players have to waste time running around from point to point and waiting like you're in line at the DMV. The flags here are all nearby, flip in a matter of seconds and, if you're in my group, you only need one!
Mourkain is more friendly to melee characters than the Arena due to the in-your-face proximity of the map and lack of big open lanes to kite in. But ranged classes are still very viable and vicious as my arrows will attest.
VISUALS
There's been some tweaking here in the last patch, going from a much rougher, brightly pastel game to a bit more polished, darker-looking game. It's definitely not an eye-popping extravaganza, but it has its charm, especially if you're a Warhammer / fantasy fanboy.
You can get a better look at the characters and animations for yourself in HD in some of those YouTube videos. There's still some work to be done in a lot of places with effect animations, like the Fire Cage root is a very basic glowy white basket around your feet, and the Marauder's root is currently... that same white fire basket.
I personally dig Warhammer's character designs. While the maps themselves aren't rendered really horribly, the settings leave a lot to be desired.
PROGRESSION / CASH SHOP
This is the crux that will keep people playing or drive us away. As it stands now, they've just unlocked the Tactics for us - passive abilities that add things like 100 extra health or slim chances to snare, crit or drain life from foes. You can slot up to 4 different Tactics together in loadouts you save in your profile. You can then switch between up to 4 different loadouts at the start of each match.
Currently, we've been unlocking either a Tactic or a new loadout slot with each new level we gain playing the game. (I believe I'm level 30 now with 3 full loadouts and and 2/3 of the tactics unlocked). This may change completely as something that needs to be unlocked via the Cash Shop or some other route, it hasn't been confirmed / finalized.
There are different appearance skins that you can use for the Heroes, these seem destined to be store-bought unlocks that may or not hinge on level and achievements.
There's also a very good chance that there will be several Heroes that need to be unlocked by hitting a certain level or by giving Mythic money.
If you're interested in playing, sign up for the beta. Perhaps I'll see you on the killing fields.
The big news was that we can freely post videos now! (Translation: help hype the game for free.) Although, you know, there were videos already on YouTube ... here's one I noticed that had me (Soul) playing the Shadow Warrior - totally dropping motherfluffers.
I don't record videos, but I can geekily preview the game for you.
WHAT IS WOH?
A lot of people are talking about the game as a 'MOBA' (Massively Online Battle Arena), which is technically true but the game plays nothing like League of Legends or other games that involve fighting magic towers and slaying waves of mindless tribbles.
It is a lobby game with instanced PvP -- if you liked to queue up for battlegrounds and scenarios in other games, that's all this game is. I'm sure some people may find that notion repellent, but I think it's a beautiful thing.
COMBAT
Standard MMO controls. WASD movement, 1-5 hotkeys, click & tab targeting. It's much like Warhammer Online, but with even more up-tempo, fun, fast-paced fighting. There are no energy bars to eyeball, rage meters to manage or magic globes to fill up as you fight.
I found it all felt very fluid and visceral. The Shadow Warrior is a sharpshooter that excels at continually firing an endless supply of arrows while wheeling away from oncoming enemies, the Goblin Shaman is an adorably diabolical little group-healing fiend, the Orc is a berserk monster that sprints around like an ax-wielding Hulk on crack.
All players have a standard health pool (around ~1000 hit points, give or take a crit) and the time-to-kill isn't too short nor too long. Also, respawn times were usually very quick, allowing everyone to get back into the fight and killing stuff.
It's also a really great feature that you can switch Heroes mid-game when you respawn. Does your team need more healing? Great, pick your favorite and play him. Does the other team have a bloodcrazed Slayer with a hard-on for your Sorceress? Hop on an Archer and shoot his throat out.
There's been a decent balance amongst the different characters so far, although some of them are obviously more niche support classes that contribute in ways other just raw DPS. Several still need work, but there aren't UberHeroes that walk around 2-shotting people, begging to be nerfed.
The other big tweak was the fact that the fights all involve three (3) teams. This really adds a tactical element that 2-sided fights can't provide, and it is put to effect really well the way the maps are laid out and the scores are tallied. More often than not the games were very close and very dynamic.
The 3-way fighting forces you to keep your head on a swivel, you have to be constantly aware of your teammates, your surroundings, the score, the position and make-up of both teams, etc. Players with that sort of keen situational awareness and adaptability are rewarded with victory, morons who run between 2 groups of angry gun-toting, fire-throwing bad guys are going to die and lose.
THE MAPS
There's only been 2 maps in play so far (although I've seen a different graveyard-looking map in one of EA's teaser videos). I don't have any major gripes about either, although I thought the Arena could have a twist added to it to seem more purposeful.
- The Arena
If that sounds a bit thin, there is a definite strategy to it -- running between two other groups and allowing them to quickly pincer you to death is something you have to avoid at all costs. Thus you do have an important objective - pay attention to what both the other groups are doing at all times. And kill them.
There is a raised platform in the center of the map and some other objects meant for teams to tactically break line-of-sight: roots twisting into the air, pillars, rotting daemon skulls, statues conveniently placed in corners.
More could be done with this map (there are really brief buffs awarded by picking up randomly-spawned power-ups, something that could be expanded upon) but the core concept is fun: be as deadly as possible without allowing your asses to be flanked by both teams.
Ranged characters had an advantage here using the open spaces to rain hell on their enemies, but a strong melee train group here could excel.
- Mourkain Temple
This instance revolves around raising your team's colors at one of the 3 flag locations which then allows you to claim the artifact within the Temple. The artifact grants you a steady stream of points and you also gain points for kills based on each flag you have up.
It's interesting to see the different ways this is played already. I've been in groups with guys demanding that we immediately cap 2 flags before doing anything else. I swear by capping 1 flag and rushing the artifact as soon as humanly possible. Some guys want to run off on their own and capture all the flags by himself, like some brain-damaged Rambo.
It's your call on how you want to play it, the good thing is that the games are usually very tight, tactical and filled with fighting. My beef with flag-capturing games is the awful downtime where players have to waste time running around from point to point and waiting like you're in line at the DMV. The flags here are all nearby, flip in a matter of seconds and, if you're in my group, you only need one!
Mourkain is more friendly to melee characters than the Arena due to the in-your-face proximity of the map and lack of big open lanes to kite in. But ranged classes are still very viable and vicious as my arrows will attest.
VISUALS
There's been some tweaking here in the last patch, going from a much rougher, brightly pastel game to a bit more polished, darker-looking game. It's definitely not an eye-popping extravaganza, but it has its charm, especially if you're a Warhammer / fantasy fanboy.
You can get a better look at the characters and animations for yourself in HD in some of those YouTube videos. There's still some work to be done in a lot of places with effect animations, like the Fire Cage root is a very basic glowy white basket around your feet, and the Marauder's root is currently... that same white fire basket.
I personally dig Warhammer's character designs. While the maps themselves aren't rendered really horribly, the settings leave a lot to be desired.
PROGRESSION / CASH SHOP
This is the crux that will keep people playing or drive us away. As it stands now, they've just unlocked the Tactics for us - passive abilities that add things like 100 extra health or slim chances to snare, crit or drain life from foes. You can slot up to 4 different Tactics together in loadouts you save in your profile. You can then switch between up to 4 different loadouts at the start of each match.
Currently, we've been unlocking either a Tactic or a new loadout slot with each new level we gain playing the game. (I believe I'm level 30 now with 3 full loadouts and and 2/3 of the tactics unlocked). This may change completely as something that needs to be unlocked via the Cash Shop or some other route, it hasn't been confirmed / finalized.
There are different appearance skins that you can use for the Heroes, these seem destined to be store-bought unlocks that may or not hinge on level and achievements.
There's also a very good chance that there will be several Heroes that need to be unlocked by hitting a certain level or by giving Mythic money.
If you're interested in playing, sign up for the beta. Perhaps I'll see you on the killing fields.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Vitally Crucial Panda-based Expansions
Not really sure Pandas are going to be enough to hold off the sway of Sith and the lure of lightsabers, but one thing is for sure:
The fact that they've resorted to adding a queue system of "PvP battles" for ...non-combat vanity pets is funny as balls.
BlizzCon Liveblog
Sounds like an awesome idea if you want to sell even more microtran$action bullshit.
Overwhelming consensus of everyone I've talked to about the whole 'Mists of Pandiarrhea' package:
The fact that they've resorted to adding a queue system of "PvP battles" for ...non-combat vanity pets is funny as balls.
BlizzCon Liveblog
1:28PM This is WoW pokemon....
1:31PM You'll build a team of pets. Yup. WoW pokemon.
1:32PM Pet Battles -- PvE and PvP battles. Turn based combat.
1:32PM "Simple combat system."
1:33PM Fight with a team of 3 pets.
1:33PM Queue system for fighting against other pets.
1:33PM This is WoW pokemon... my god.
Sounds like an awesome idea if you want to sell even more microtran$action bullshit.
Overwhelming consensus of everyone I've talked to about the whole 'Mists of Pandiarrhea' package:
That's a joke, right?
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Horrifying keyword combinations used in google searches that somehow lead users to this site
- dragon rape
- gangster sperm
- ginger devil
- angry jedi
Twitdump
Twilight is popular because everyone remembers those awkward years when they too had to choose between necrophilia and beastiality.
Palin Not Running. In a related story, a person no one likes announced they didn't want a job they couldn't do and wouldn't get.
http://twitter.com/#!/DanaJGould
I'm taking a real risk here, re-posting jokes about Twilight and Sarah Palin. But that's the kind of boundary-pushing daredevil I am.
Wearing an athlete's sports jersey shows everyone who you want to lose your butt virginity to.
http://twitter.com/#!/JennyJohnsonHi5
Not true. I gave up my brown cherry to Lawrence Taylor a long time ago.
They made me take my shoes off to go in the restaurant. Because if Korean food needs anything, it's more odor.
http://twitter.com/#!/kylekinane
This is funny because Korean cuisine is actually quite fragrant.
The phrase, "I hate to be a douchebag, but..." needs to be changed to, "I secretly love to be a douchebag, thus..."
http://twitter.com/#!/pattonoswalt
I openly love being a douchebag.
Dolphin tail heartwarming movie.This is the way the world should be.
Reemer wants 2 bite crocodile off my shirt.
http://twitter.com/#!/bryzgoalie30
I definitely would let Ilya Bryzgalov pop my butt cherry.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Things I'm doing now that I'm not playing shitty games
- Running my ass off. I run a lot and listen to shit like Korpiklaani. I'm like a much faster-moving Techno Viking, it's fun.
- Did you guys know that TV isn't all just shit shows now? I've watched all of Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Borgias, Sons of Anarchy, Louie and now I'm watching Sunny and Comedy Central. It's kind of amazing to me - I thought my TV was just there for hockey games and keeping women quiet.
- I read. I'm reading old, forgotten things - all of Planetary (the comic), American Gods and A Song of Ice and Fire, Death Troopers. They're still just books, so it's not as exciting as PvP. I'm going to write a RvR (reader vs. reader) MMOBRG. If you read better than the other people online reading the book, you score more points. And they die and can't read anymore. It's a work in progress idea.
- I'm writing explicit Power Rangers fan-fiction that deals entirely with really violent, degrading sex between the obscure villains from the Japanese show. Going to turn it into a screeplay, see if I can get it made into something Off Broadway.
- Did you guys know that TV isn't all just shit shows now? I've watched all of Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Borgias, Sons of Anarchy, Louie and now I'm watching Sunny and Comedy Central. It's kind of amazing to me - I thought my TV was just there for hockey games and keeping women quiet.
- I read. I'm reading old, forgotten things - all of Planetary (the comic), American Gods and A Song of Ice and Fire, Death Troopers. They're still just books, so it's not as exciting as PvP. I'm going to write a RvR (reader vs. reader) MMOBRG. If you read better than the other people online reading the book, you score more points. And they die and can't read anymore. It's a work in progress idea.
- I'm writing explicit Power Rangers fan-fiction that deals entirely with really violent, degrading sex between the obscure villains from the Japanese show. Going to turn it into a screeplay, see if I can get it made into something Off Broadway.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Other new games coming out that I will never play
L.A.W.
From Alaplaya. Yeah. Alaplaya + a Fallen Earth setting + Pissed-off Mutant Bunny Men. Sounds so awful it might actually be kind of good.
The Repopulation
From rookies Above and Beyond Technologies. Some neat ideas being bandied about from these fellows.
From Alaplaya. Yeah. Alaplaya + a Fallen Earth setting + Pissed-off Mutant Bunny Men. Sounds so awful it might actually be kind of good.
A devastating nuclear war left earth in ruins. Survivers fled the planet on spaceship Tomorrow to return 200 years later and rebuild civilization. But upon their return they find that those who did not escape have genetically mutated into a nature loving race now known as the Nak...
It is up to you to lead mankind to victory. Command and take direct control over ground and airborne units to battle your enemies for rare resources. With groundbreaking real-time strategy (RTS) features, a sophisticated stock market for trade, epic boss battles and a unique, post-nuclear Setting L.A.W is the next generation of the MMORPG-Genre.
The Repopulation
From rookies Above and Beyond Technologies. Some neat ideas being bandied about from these fellows.
You begin your adventure as a second generation clone colonist on the planet of Rhyldan, with mankind on the verge of extinction, and in the midst of a civil war.
...
- Hybrid approach which blends Sandbox and Theme Park mechanics.
- Unique three Faction PvP (Player vs. Player) system which allows players to join one of the two major Nations (OWON or FPR), or form their own independent Rogue Nation. Rogue Nations are similar to Guilds in other games, except they also act as their own independent faction in PvP.
Monday, October 03, 2011
Good thing I'm not really a grownup
What it's like to play online games as a grownup from The Oatmeal
also
Super Mario Facts:
Super Mario was kind of an asshole.
Mario and Luigi both were flamingly gay.
PAC-MAN FACTS:
Pac-Man is an intolerant monster.
Pac-Man died out when a giant asteroid struck our planet.
Ms. Pac-Man posed for Hustler.
Pac-Man is an allegory for Corporate American Greed - a fat, jaundiced pill-fiend ravenously devouring the souls of the middle class.
Pac-Man is a horrifyingly haunting Science-Fiction thriller that deals with themes of paranoia, regret, delusion, dependency and addiction.
Pac-Man is just a drunken college kid rampaging through a dorm room.
Pac-Man is an extremely profound and sad story of becoming the monster you fear most.
also
Super Mario Facts:
Super Mario was kind of an asshole.
Mario and Luigi both were flamingly gay.
PAC-MAN FACTS:
Pac-Man is an intolerant monster.
Pac-Man died out when a giant asteroid struck our planet.
Ms. Pac-Man posed for Hustler.
Pac-Man is an allegory for Corporate American Greed - a fat, jaundiced pill-fiend ravenously devouring the souls of the middle class.
Pac-Man is a horrifyingly haunting Science-Fiction thriller that deals with themes of paranoia, regret, delusion, dependency and addiction.
Pac-Man is just a drunken college kid rampaging through a dorm room.
Pac-Man is an extremely profound and sad story of becoming the monster you fear most.
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