Twitdump

Twilight is popular because everyone remembers those awkward years when they too had to choose between necrophilia and beastiality.

Palin Not Running. In a related story, a person no one likes announced they didn't want a job they couldn't do and wouldn't get.

http://twitter.com/#!/DanaJGould

I'm taking a real risk here, re-posting jokes about Twilight and Sarah Palin. But that's the kind of boundary-pushing daredevil I am.

Wearing an athlete's sports jersey shows everyone who you want to lose your butt virginity to.

http://twitter.com/#!/JennyJohnsonHi5

Not true. I gave up my brown cherry to Lawrence Taylor a long time ago.

They made me take my shoes off to go in the restaurant. Because if Korean food needs anything, it's more odor.

http://twitter.com/#!/kylekinane

This is funny because Korean cuisine is actually quite fragrant.

The phrase, "I hate to be a douchebag, but..." needs to be changed to, "I secretly love to be a douchebag, thus..."

http://twitter.com/#!/pattonoswalt

I openly love being a douchebag.

Dolphin tail heartwarming movie.This is the way the world should be.

Reemer wants 2 bite crocodile off my shirt.

http://twitter.com/#!/bryzgoalie30

 I definitely would let Ilya Bryzgalov pop my butt cherry.