Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Great Minds

Penny Arcade stole my idea for creating a horrible new "tap things and wait a really long time" game.

They naturally came up with the better name: "Touchasaurus."

(My working title was "Fantasy Dream Dragon Zooquarium and Baby Unicorn Farm Storyville.")

True Story: I breed Wizard Dragons.

The other notable differences:

In my game, "FDDZ+BUFS", a dollar buys you nothing. Standard rate is $3 to get a taste, $5-10 for the cheap stuff, $30 if you want the good shit.

The dragons you buy only have a 5 minute window after hatching where you're able to claim them. If you are not around to click the egg within these 5 minutes, the dragon will get Dragon AIDs and immediately die. You can revive the dragon for $30.

The dragons shit all over your castle. You need to click the shits to remove them. This gives you a single coin, which you can spend only on ugly decorative trees, which do nothing.

There will be an excessive amount of mindless tapping and double-tapping on poops and bushes, this is not to make the 'player' feel like he is actually 'playing' a 'game', I just want to make stupid assholes waste their time by needlessly triple-tapping meaningless buttons.

Also, this helps so that you accidentally hit "Buy NOW!" buttons and are immediately charged $30 to your credit card. No refunds, kids, sorry.

My game would be almost entirely pop-up box advertisements asking you to give me money. I think an acceptable ratio would be 6 minutes of clicking through ads followed by a grand total of 18 seconds of actual 'play' time per session.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Third Wheelzzz

Re: Rift adding 3 Faction PvP

 I honestly don't remember there even being 2 faction PvP in Rift, but still, good for Rift. You go, girl.

I'm trying to picture a scenario where I would really be interested in coming back to Rift for its awful, afterthought PvP, and ... it's hard. It's hard to think of a something that would catch my interest.


No. You know what I would do. I would make their third faction a combination of the races people have been dying to see as third factions in other games.

See, then I'd be slightly interested.

Monday, April 23, 2012

siege done right

It may not be Guild Wars 2. Is it ArcheAge?

Hard to argue with belfries, I always say.

 Still not sure about how big AA will be here -- Americans generally aren't the fondest of import MMOs, nor is our majority very fond of slow-go Sandbox games. But even the boring 'grindy' bits look (potentially) weirdly epic.