Tuesday, June 01, 2010

My P is better at v'ing than your P

Massively.com gave a weekly column to some guy to talk about Warhammer Online.

What was the first real column?
"Warhammer is full of assholes and I don't like them"



The Elitist in me just wants to say "LOL CRY MORE FGT" and then use his tears as lube as I attempt to molest his sobbing bitch mouth until it bleeds.

But what I want to do is address this in a practical way, and not just talk in broad strokes about Elitism or Carebears or whatever, because it's not even about any of that.

What this debate will always boils down to in life is dicks, pussies and assholes.

"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And Massively.com columnists are pussies. And other players are assholes. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"

"One of the players... refused to heal someone else in the warband... he told me that it was because the person was in another specific guild"

Okay, caring about this makes you a Pussy. Sure, not healing somebody is a Dick move. But, for all you know, that guild is nothing but Assholes that need to be not healed.
Elitism really never enters the picture here. People don't get healed and die everyday, in every game. If you're reading this, you're wasting your time NOT healing kids in Africa that need it. Why? Because you think you're better than Africans! Fucking Elitist.

"One of the players in the established guild started talking back and refusing to take orders [from unguilded player]"

Again, caring about this makes you a Twat.
I have no idea how "refusing to blindly follow a complete stranger barking orders that may or may not be completely horrible ideas" is somehow categorized as "Elitist".

These two complaints are Pussy Game Theory at it's finest, the idea that if people don't always get along and work together, singing Kumbaya together in region chat, then people in that game are being Elitist Jerks that hurt your overly sensitive Pussy feelings.

"One of the leaders of a major guild called out the push to the Lord's room ...everyone except that guild pushed up -- completely unsupported by the other guild. The result was wholesale slaughter at the hands of the defenders. ...The leader's response was something along the lines of, "Well, if you want in the fort, you should join my guild."

That guy is an asshole. This is why Dicks need to fuck Assholes and not heal them and Pussies need to stop saying we all need to work together and follow random orders from complete strangers.

"only a minute and a half from the zone flip, with at least two warbands waiting for the invasion to begin, Zimmeron's Hold was released ...because they wanted to give their own guild membership enough time to get online to join the fray."

OMG those are too funny. Seriously, in the case that I heard about, that turned another ho-hum Order City Zerg #108 that absolutely no one would ever talk about again into a hilariously stupid little civil war that resulted in all that realm's "dicks and pussies all covered in shit", just like the man said.

Can Warhammer be elitist at times? Maybe. Most competitive things are.
Is that a bad thing? No.

Elitism is not a bad thing, it's the American Way. And that's why we're The Best.
Team America: Fuck Yeah.

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