Friday, May 28, 2010

Upcoming Games: Threats & Thuds!

I like talking about upcoming games. I do it a lot. It's kind of annoying.

Since this is my Warhammer blog, I figured I rejigger the topic - I'd post not just about what games are coming out - but what it means for the average Warhammer player.

Let's go for a ride together, Billy.

Clearly this should interest a lot of the Warhammer Online population. It's basically WAR with Space Marines that have laser chainsaw guns.
Sure, that's not everyone's cup of tea. A lot of Warhammer players aren't fond of laser chainsaw guns. These are the type of people that run around in the woods with cardboard swords yelling "Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!"
There's a word for people like that. Virgin.

The 2 key things here are:
1. No one really knows jack about this game. It could be complete garbage, we have no idea. I hope THQ / Vigil aces it, but I'm not even sure what "it" is yet.
2. It's still way off. Late 2012?

So, even if it is any good, it's so far off we'll probably all be dead already.
(Mayan Apocalypse!)

Threat-o-meter: None. We'll all be dead. :(

See, here's the thing about Star Wars - remember what I said about the Lightning Bolt nerds not liking Science-Fiction? Yeah, well, even those dorks like Star Wars. THIS GAME IS GOING TO DESTROY US ALL.

It seems there's a good chance it could take forever to release and there are valid fears it's essentially a Massively CO-OP Single Player game. Regardless, Warhammer and every other game are in major trouble.

Threat-o-meter: Off the charts. BioWare + Star Wars.

- Starcraft 2
Completely different type of game (RTS) in another genre (Sci-Fi), should have little impact on Warhammer-type MMOs.

Threat-o-meter: A brief distraction on the road to the grave.

- The Secret World
This, above all other games, I want to be good. It's a real darkhorse... mixing horror genres, shotguns and samurai swords, and maybe even ...decent PvP? No one knows what to really expect.

The whole Failcom aspect is seriously off-putting, but why wouldn't you want this game to be good?

Threat-o-meter: I wouldn't mind if TSW busts in and totally skullbones WAR to death, that's just me. We'll see.

- Guild Wars 2
This one might sting a little. I don't think the Dynamic Event features they're hyping really matter in the big picture, but it will have some good things going for it. It'll be new and different. It should look much newer, betterer and differenter than WAR, maybe it will play newer, betterer and differenter than WAR.

Threat-o-meter: If GW2 can convince us the gameplay is fun, it could present a viable option to people bored with Doorhammer and all it's leafy genital warts.

FF holds a special place in a lot of hearts, but I just can't see many bloodfrenzied Orcs or gankcrazy Witch Hunters quitting in droves so they can go grind Cactaurs as some tiny Doll-Man Warrior.

Threat-o-meter: Will probably take away some good players and tourists, but won't be devastating. This shouldn't be a hurricane that cripples the game.

Hey, remember when this game came out already and was called AION?

Oh no wait, in this one you can play as Cranky Korean David Bowie or a Fat Koala. Nice.

Threat-o-meter: The worst that could happen is that it tag-teams Warhammer with other games at a bad time, kind of like AION, Champions Online and Fallen Earth did last fall. A flurry of games coming out with potential could be another 1-2 punch that hurts WAR guilds like crazy. If this list of games comes out in succession, you'll see a lot of good players siphoned off into the void.

- DC Universe Online
Hey, remember when this game came out already and was called Champions Online?

Oh no wait, in this one you can actually play alongside Aqua Man.

Threat-o-meter: Just delete your WAR accounts now. Did you read what I wrote? Aqua Man.

- Blade and Soul
NCsoft is like the ex-boyfriend that keeps sending you crap and swears he's changed, but he never really changes. I know, I've had, like, so many ex-boyfriends.

Threat-o-meter: Man, one of the 186 games coming out from Asia has to be kind of good, right? ...Right?

- World Of Warcraft: Cataclysm
"Where is everyone in our alliance going?!"
"WoW has goblins! And werewolves!"

Threat-o-meter: Yeah, if you were going to play WoW, you'd already be playing WoW. 8 years ago.

... MEH

Although, I do like the idea of running over wannabe thugz n gangstaz.

Threat-o-meter: When's "Playboy Manager" coming out?

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